tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24982896558942027632024-03-04T20:52:17.202-08:00Me RevealedSusfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-71355453259669731502015-03-10T12:26:00.001-07:002015-03-10T12:26:26.314-07:00THE CITY OF SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="line-height: 19.3199996948242px;">The exploding growth of social media has significantly changed the way people communicate at home and at work. Social media applications include sites such as LinkedIn, Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, Tumblr, Wikipedia, YouTube, Twitter, Yelp, Flickr, Yahoo groups, Wordpress and many more. Not only have social media changed the way we communicate, but these applications present great opportunities for businesses in the areas of public relations, internal and external communications, recruiting, organizational learning and collaboration, and beyond.</span></div>
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Public officials at all levels must embrace social media or risk becoming irrelevant. Social Media is our "digital life." Social media are information-based tools and technologies used to share information and facilitate communications with audiences -- in other words, the voters. If officials are to ensure the robust future of a city, for example, they must afford the next generation an opportunity to communicate (in their own language) with the elected officials.</div>
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Government organizations and elected officials can make great use of social media in a variety of ways. Departments can hold brainstorming sessions or maintain ongoing conversations with the public through questions and answers on a blog; internally teams can use wikis to manage projects, share best practices and research case studies; the CEO of the City or more importantly, the Mayor can keep a blog or record a podcast; and can immediately deliver news to voters, their public.</div>
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The novel aspect of social media is their conversational tone: Knowledge sharing takes place through processes including discussion with questions and answers (online forums), collaborative editing (wikis), or storytelling with reactions (blogs).</div>
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Great leaders must live in the now -- with an eye on the future. What is most important goes beyond public safety. Public safety is a must -- and a given. Cities must be safe and clean, but beyond that, cities must afford opportunities for economic development, job growth, housing, and most importantly, quality of life. When a company looks at moving to a new city, its leaders seek 1) standard of living and a positive impact on the company's bottom line and 2) quality of life for its employees and their families.</div>
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What is quality of life? How does it differ from standard of living? These are questions CEOs of companies ask before locating in a city and questions a CEO of a city must ask before promoting the city he/she represents. Standard of living and and quality of life are often referred to in discussions about the economic and social well-being of cities and their residents, but what is the difference between the two? It's more than just a matter of semantics; in fact, knowing the difference can affect how you evaluate a city where you might be looking to move your company or family.</div>
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Standard of living generally refers to the level of wealth, comfort, material goods and necessities available to a certain socioeconomic class, in a certain geographic area. An evaluation of standard of living commonly includes the following factors:<br />-income<br />-quality and availability of employment<br />-class disparity<br />-poverty rate<br />-quality and affordability of housing<br />-hours of work required to purchase necessities<br />-gross domestic product (GDP)<br />-inflation rate<br />-number of paid vacation days per year<br />-affordable access to quality health care<br />-quality and availability of education<br />-life expectancy<br />-incidence of disease<br />-cost of goods and services<br />-infrastructure<br />-local economic growth<br />-economic and political stability<br />-political and religious freedom<br />-environmental quality<br />-climate<br />-safety</div>
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When you think about standard of living, you can think about things that are easy to quantify. We can measure factors like life expectancy, inflation rate and the average number of paid vacation days workers receive each year, for example.</div>
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Quality of life is more subjective and intangible. The United Nations' Universal Declaration of Human Rights, adopted in 1948, provides an excellent list of factors that can be considered in evaluating quality of life. It includes many things that citizens of the United States and other developed countries take for granted, but that are not available in a significant number of countries around the world. Although this declaration is decades old, in many ways it still represents an ideal to be achieved, rather than a baseline state of affairs -- sadly. Look at the issue of marriage equality, for example. Factors that may be used to measure quality of life include the following:<br />-freedom from slavery and torture<br />-equal protection of the law<br />-freedom from discrimination<br />-freedom of movement<br />-freedom of residence within one's home country<br />-presumption of innocence unless proved guilty<br />-right to marry<br />-right to have a family<br />-right to be treated equally without regard to gender, race, language, religion, political beliefs, nationality, socioeconomic status and more<br />-right to privacy<br />-freedom of thought<br />-freedom of religion<br />-free choice of employment<br />-right to fair pay<br />-equal pay for equal work<br />-right to vote<br />-right to rest and leisure<br />-right to education<br />-right to human dignity</div>
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The main difference between standard of living and quality of life is that the former is more objective, while the latter is more subjective. Standard of living factors such as gross domestic product, poverty rate and environmental quality, can all be measured and defined with numbers, while quality of life factors like equal protection of the law, freedom from discrimination and freedom of religion, are more difficult to measure and are particularly qualitative.</div>
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I personally embrace new businesses moving to South San Francisco, as these new businesses create a positive economic impact, jobs for residents (especially if housing is available), employees who spend their hard-earned dollars in our city, a critical connection between the game-of-life-changing Silicon Valley and one of the nation's grandest cities, San Francisco. Change is inevitable in South San Francisco. The change will happen whether we like it or not. If we are smart, we will embrace it -- if only to manage it.</div>
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South City is resilient and strong with a robust history. However, we must be careful not to get stuck thinking only about the past: "Survival of the Fittest" will win in the end. Instead what we SHOULD focus on and what the genius, Darwin ACTUALLY wrote was: "Adaptation is the Key to Survival."</div>
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Stay tuned for some of the gems I have discovered in and about South San Francisco. There is more than meets the eye here. I am enjoying the discovery and I will share what I find along the way. I may even interview a few of the fascinating people I have met from South City -- as there have been many.</div>
Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-24453533650277183662014-10-17T12:04:00.002-07:002014-10-17T12:18:25.481-07:00"Marketing," What Does It Mean?<h1 style="color: #1e2c54; font-family: ProximaNova, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: 30px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 150px 0px 0px;">
Hiring for Content <span class="mandelbrot_refrag" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a class="mandelbrot_refrag" data-ls-seen="1" href="http://marketeer.kapost.com/category/beginner-content-marketing/?lc=int_mb_1001" style="color: #1e2c54; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Marketing</a></span> Is Hard. </h1>
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<span style="background-color: white;">If you thought getting <a data-ls-seen="1" href="http://marketeer.kapost.com/less-words-more-executive-buy-in/" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">executive buy-in</a> for content marketing was hard, try hiring your staff.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">32% of B2B marketers say finding trained content marketing professionals is a challenge.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black;"><a class="dashicons dashicons-twitter" href="http://marketeer.kapost.com/hiring-content-marketing-professionals/?utm_campaign=Marketeer%2010%2f17%2f14&utm_medium=email&utm_source=Eloqua&elq=6657d4408bed4d1daf22c0f3121418a1&elqCampaignId=250#" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-transition: color 0.1s ease-in 0ms; display: inline-block; font-family: dashicons; font-size: 20px; font-style: normal; height: 20px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.1s ease-in 0ms; vertical-align: top; width: 20px;"></a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">That number is up from 10% last year. This suggests either more marketers are hiring content marketers in general (last year, <a data-ls-seen="1" href="http://http//marketeer.kapost.com/content-marketing-hiring-infographic/" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">45% of marketers</a> planned on hiring content marketers), or that the pool or talent it getting harder to tap.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Either way, marketers aren’t on a cake walk for developing their teams. Not like hiring is easy in any department…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">This stat comes from the <a data-ls-seen="1" href="http://www.slideshare.net/CMI/2015-b2b-content-marketing-benchmarks-budgets-and-trends-north-america-by-content-marketing-institute-and-marketingprofs" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">CMI 2015 Benchmarks Study</a>, which examines the state of content marketing each year. (</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; white-space: nowrap;">http://marketeer.kapost.com/hiring-content-marketing-professionals)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;">-- Jean Spencer, </span><span style="background-color: white;">writer for Kapost</span></span></div>
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Hiring for Any Type of Marketing is Harder. </h1>
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How About Making Hiring YOU Easy? </h1>
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<b>Brand marketing</b><br />
Brand marketing concerns itself with building a specific public image to promote a product and/or service. This image is built on the desires of a business’ target audience, making it something these potential customers can relate to, and then engaging with them on avenues they are most likely to welcome the promotion.<br />
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<b style="font-size: 13.63636302948px; line-height: 17.5636348724365px;">B2B marketing</b></div>
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When it comes to marketing from one business to another, the demands are more complex than simply appealing to these potential clients’ interests (unlike that of B2C marketing). Businesses have bigger needs to address that require plenty of educating from the marketers to guarantee that their solution is the best option for the prospects.</div>
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There are also different buyer roles from the prospects that need to be taken into account when creating the message, so that it suits their varying perspectives. Other important considerations are the interactions with clients’ sales teams and the inherent length of buying cycles that affect how a B2B company analyzes the effectiveness of its marketing campaigns.</div>
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<b>Referral marketing</b><br />
Referral marketing sets its eyes on creating a marketing team out of a business’ loyal customer base, using their devotion to its products and/or services as an endorsement for the business itself. The process focuses on nurturing the relationship with customers to make them trust the business enough to publicly vouch for the quality of its offerings.</div>
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Referral marketing is effective, because it leverages the trust people have with their family and friends. They will more likely believe in whatever their loved ones are saying about the value of a certain product instead of what a company is touting.</div>
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<b style="font-size: 13.63636302948px; line-height: 17.5636348724365px;">Mobile marketing</b></div>
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Mobile marketing is reaching out to an audience through the entire spectrum of mobile devices, ranging from basic cellphones to smartphones to tablets. The methods employed for this type of marketing used to fall mainly into the push type of technique with “cold call” text messages. With the advent of mobile Internet connections, cold call emails and multimedia messages are also added.</div>
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Now that most mobile devices enjoy mostly the same online experience of desktop computers, similar online marketing methods in that platform have also begun to be used in mobile marketing.</div>
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<b>Digital marketing</b><br />
Digital marketing is essentially the catch-all term that encompasses all types of marketing done through the use of the Internet. It covers everything from “push” marketing techniques (e.g. email and instant messaging) to “pull” marketing techniques (e.g. pay-per-click advertisements and content marketing).</div>
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As the Internet continues to become an integral part of people’s lives, digital marketing is quickly turning into a crucial avenue for every business looking to thrive today and tomorrow.</div>
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<span style="line-height: 17.5636348724365px;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;">Image by digitalmarketingroom</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1e2c54; font-family: ProximaNova, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 30px;"><b>Methods of Digital Marketing</b></span></div>
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Considering how big digital marketing is as an umbrella term, it is worth discussing the many methods that fall underneath that major category, in order to get a clearer picture of what businesses can do to reach out to their audience using this technology.</div>
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<b>Search engine marketing</b><br />
SEM focuses on promoting a website and its products and/or services through search engines, such as Google, Yahoo, and Bing to gain traffic. The methods of gaining traffic can be divided in two: 1) through “organic” and free traffic via search engine optimization (SEO); and 2) through paid advertisements.</div>
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SEO deals with optimizing both the internal and external aspects of a website to increase its ranking on search engine results pages (SERPs), while buying ads simply makes the website’s link more visible on the SERPs.</div>
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<b>Keyword marketing</b><br />
Directly underneath SEM is keyword marketing, as it is closely tied with gaining traffic through search engines. Keyword marketing basically concentrates on using keywords that are highly relevant to the business on its website to improve its ranking on SERPs.</div>
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Keywords are the words people type into search engines to find what they’re looking for. By developing a good keyword marketing strategy, a business will be able to promote its products and/or services effectively through providing exactly what its target audience is searching.</div>
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<b>Inbound marketing</b><br />
As opposed to more traditional “outbound” marketing, such as advertisements and sending emails to get people’s attention, inbound marketing relies on creating and sharing valuable content to lure a target audience into becoming loyal customers.</div>
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It is a general strategy that involves understanding the prospects, and giving them what they want through personalized content delivered by way of various channels, such as blogs and social media. The process is then taken a step further by nurturing these customers through a consistent and constantly evolving marketing cycle.</div>
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<b>Social media marketing</b><br />
This particular type of marketing is all about harnessing the power of social media to promote a product and/or service. Social media includes everything from comprehensive platforms (e.g. Facebook and Google+) to dedicated channels (e.g. Twitter and Instagram).</div>
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There are billions of people who use social media, and its main goal of connecting people who share interests nigh-instantaneously make it an invaluable tool in any online marketing campaign.</div>
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<b>Content marketing</b><br />
Content marketing shares much of the same defining principles of inbound marketing. Many experts have different opinions on what Content Marketing really is, but basically, it revolves around the tried and true philosophy that the best way to attract high quality leads and turn them into a devoted customer base is to create compelling content that caters to their interests.</div>
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The difference lies in how inbound marketing is more of the overall approach, as it takes into account what needs to be done after generating leads.</div>
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Great content can be in the form of articles, infographics, podcasts, or videos. Also, content marketing can have huge impacts if done with social media integration.</div>
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<b>Article marketing</b><br />
As the name suggests, article marketing is about writing articles to be posted on different websites in order to drive traffic towards the page of the product and/or service being promoted.</div>
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However, article marketing is usually associated with the unethical method of simply spinning already published ideas, then sending them to a lot of low quality article directories to gain lots of links.</div>
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Guest blogging on respected websites, however, is a fair way of doing article marketing, as it means creating quality content and gaining quality links.</div>
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<b>Video marketing</b><br />
As another subcategory of content marketing, video marketing uses videos hand-in-hand with other relevant marketing materials to promote a business and/or its offerings. These videos can range from slick productions, such as full-fledged commercials and fluidly animated kinetic typographies to simple shoots like sit-down interviews and customer testimonials.</div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;">Image by Katie Lance</span></div>
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<b>Affiliate marketing</b><br />
Affiliate marketing is a type of referral marketing, promoting a business’ products and/or services via the efforts of a third party or an “affiliate.” Affiliates can do their promotion through whatever means they can, and the distinguishing characteristic of this kind of referral marketing is that the affiliates make money off of the commission from every sale they generate.</div>
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The key advantage is that businesses that make use of this method get their marketing done by people who are driven to do it. They also get promotion from all sorts of different avenues, thereby widening their reach.</div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;">--John Abrena,</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: AlrightSans, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 20px;"> freelance blogger.</span></div>
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-52168649598817871672014-01-22T15:56:00.002-08:002014-01-23T05:43:04.236-08:00POPULATION, COMPUTERS, AND CULTURE WARS<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;">
<u>POPULATION, COMPUTERS, AND CULTURE WARS</u></div>
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In 2002, Osama bin Laden wrote in his “Letter to America”: “You are a nation that exploits women like consumer products or advertising tools, calling upon customers to purchase them. You use women to serve passengers, visitors, and strangers to increase your profit margins. You then rant that you support the liberation of women.”</div>
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As this quote indicates, what al Qaeda is fighting for is a traditional understanding of the family. This is not a minor part of their program: it is at its heart. The traditional family is built around some clearly defined principles. First, the home is the domain of the woman and life outside the house is the purview of the man. Second, sexuality is something confined to the family and the home, and extramarital, extra-familial sexuality is unacceptable. Women who move outside the home invite extramarital sexuality just by being there. Third, women have as their primary tasks reproduction and nurturing of the next generation. Therefore, intense controls on women are necessary to maintain the integrity of the family and of society.In an interesting way it is all about women, and bin Laden’s letter drives this home. What he hates about America is that it promotes a completely different view of women and the family.</div>
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Al Qaeda’s view is not unique to Osama bin Laden or Islam. The lengths to which that group is prepared to go may be unique, but the issue of women and the family defines most major religions.Traditional Catholicism, fundamentalist Protestantism, Orthodox Judaism, and various branches of Buddhism all take very similar positions. All of these religions are being split internally, as are all societies. In the United States, where we speak of the “culture wars,” the battlefield is the family and its definition. All societies are being torn between traditionalists and those who are attempting to redefine the family, women, and sexuality.</div>
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This conflict is going to intensify in the twenty-first century, but the traditionalists are fighting a defensive and ultimately losing battle. The reason is that over the past hundred years the very fabric of human life—and particularly the life of women—has been transformed, and with it the structure of the family. What has already happened in Europe, the United States, and Japan is spreading to the rest of the world.These issues will rip many societies apart, but in the end, the transformation of the family can’t be stopped.</div>
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This is not to say that transformation is inherently a good idea or a bad one. Instead, this trend is unstoppable because the demographic realities of the world are being transformed. The single most important demographic change in the world right now is the dramatic decline everywhere in birthrates. Let me repeat that: the most meaningful statistic in the world is an overall decline in birthrates. Women are having fewer and fewer children every year. That means not only that the population explosion of the last two centuries is coming to an end but also that women are spending much less time bearing and nurturing children, even as their life expectancy has soared.<br />
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<u>THE POPULATION BUST</u></div>
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It has been generally accepted in recent decades that the globe was facing a severe population explosion. Uncontrolled population growth would outstrip scarce resources and devastate the environment. More people would require more resources in the form of food, energy, and goods, which in turn would lead to a rise in global warming and other ecological catastrophes. There was no disagreement on the basic premise that population was growing.</div>
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This model no longer holds true, however. We already see a change taking place in advanced industrial countries. People are living longer, and because of declining birthrates there are fewer younger workers to support the vast increase in retirees. Europe and Japan are experiencing this problem already. But an aging population is only the tip of the iceberg, the first problem presented by the coming population bust.</div>
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People assume that while population growth might be slowing down in Europe, the world’s total population will continue to spiral out of control because of high birthrates in less developed countries.In fact, the opposite is true. Birthrates are plunging everywhere. The advanced industrial countries are on the cutting edge of the decline, but the rest of the world is following right behind them. And this demographic shift will help shape the twenty-first century.</div>
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Some of the most important, advanced countries in the world, like Germany and Russia, are going to lose large percentages of their population. Europe’s population today, taken as a whole, is 728 million people.The United Nations forecasts that by 2050 it will drop to between 557 and 653 million, a remarkable decline. The lower number assumes that women will average1.6 children each. The second number assumes 2.1 children. In Europe today, the fertility rate per woman is 1.4 children. This is why we will be focusing on the lower projections going forward.</div>
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Traditionally, declining population has meant declining power. For Europe, this will indeed be the case. But for other countries, like the United States, maintaining population levels or finding technological ways to augment a declining population will be essential if political power is to be retained in the next hundred years.</div>
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An assertion this extreme has to be supported,so we must pause and drill into the numbers a bit before we consider the consequences. This is a pivotal event in human history and we need to understand why it’s happening.</div>
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Let’s start simply. Between about 1750 and1950, the world’s population grew from about one billion people to about three billion. Between 1950 and 2000, it doubled, from three billion to six billion.Not only was the population of the world growing, but the growth was accelerating at an amazing rate. If that trajectory had continued, the result would have been global catastrophe. </div>
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But the growth rate has not accelerated. It has actually slowed down dramatically. According to the United Nations, between 2000 and 2050 the population will continue to grow, but only by about 50percent, halving the growth rate of the previous fifty years. In the second half of the century, it becomes more interesting. Again, the population will continue to grow, but only by 10 percent statistically, according to other forecasters. This is like slamming on the brakes. In fact, some forecasts (not by the UN) have indicated that the total human population will decline by 2100.</div>
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The most dramatic effect will be seen in the advanced industrial countries, many of which will experience remarkable declines in population. The middle tier of countries, like Brazil and SouthKorea, will see their populations stabilize by mid-century and slowly decline by 2100. Only in the least developed part of the world, in countries like Congo and Bangladesh, will populations continue to increase until 2100, but not by nearly as much as over the past hundred years. Any way you look at it, the population explosion is ending.</div>
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Let’s examine a critical number: 2.1. This is the number of children that each woman must have, on average, in order to maintain a generally stable world population. Anything above that number and the population grows; anything below, the population declines, all other things being equal. According to the United Nations, women had an average of 4.5children in 1970. In 2000, that number had dropped to 2.7 children. Remember,this is a worldwide average. That is a dramatic drop and explains why the population continued to grow, but more slowly than before.</div>
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The United Nations forecasts that in 2050, the global fertility rate will decline to an average of 2.05 births per woman. That is just below the 2.1 needed for a stable world population. The UN has another forecast, based on different assumptions, where the rate is 1.6 babies per woman. So the United Nations, which has the best data available, is predicting that by the year 2050, population growth will be either stable or declining dramatically. I believe the latter is closer to the truth.</div>
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The situation is even more interesting if we look at the developed regions of the world, the forty-four most advanced countries. In these countries women are currently having an average of 1.6 babies each, which means that populations are already contracting. Birthrates in the middle tier of countries are down to 2.9 and falling. Even the least developed countries are down from 6.6 children per mother to 5.0 today, and expected to drop to 3.0 by 2050. There is no doubt that birthrates are plunging. The question is why. The answer can be traced to the reasons that the population explosion occurred in the first place; in a certain sense, the population explosion halted itself.</div>
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There were two clear causes for the population explosion that were equally significant. First, there was a decline in infant mortality; second there was an increase in life expectancies. Both were the result of modern medicine, the availability of more food, and the introduction of basic public health that began in the late eighteenth century.</div>
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There are no really good statistics on fertility rates in 1800, but the best estimates fall between 6.5 and 8.0children per woman on average. Women in Europe in 1800 were having the same number of babies as women in Bangladesh are having today, yet the population wasn’t growing. Most children born in 1800 didn’t live long enough to reproduce. Since the 2.1 rule still held, out of eight children born, six died before puberty. Medicine, food, and hygiene dramatically reduced the number of infant and childhood deaths, until by late in the nineteenth century, most children survived to have their own children. Even though infant mortality declined, family patterns did not shift. People were having the same number of babies as before.</div>
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It’s not hard to understand why. First, let’s face the fact that people like to have sex, and sex without birth control makes babies—and there was no birth control at the time. But people didn’t mind having a lot of children because children had become the basis of wealth. In an agricultural society, every pair of hands produces wealth; you don’t have to be able to read or program computers to weed, seed, or harvest. Children were also the basis for retirement, if someone lived long enough to have an old age.There was no Social Security, but you counted on your children to take care of you. Part of this was custom, but part of it was rational economic thinking. A father owned land or had the right to farm it. His child needed to have access to the land to live, so the father could dictate policy. As children brought families prosperity and retirement income, the major responsibility of women was to produce as many children as possible. If women had children, and if they both survived childbirth, the family as a whole was better off. This was a matter of luck, but it was a chance worth taking from the standpoint of both families and the men who dominated them. Between lust and greed, there was little reason not to bring more children into the world. Habits are hard to change.</div>
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When families began moving into cities en masse, children were still valuable assets. Parents could send them to work in primitive factories at the age of six and collect their pay. In early industrial society factory workers didn’t need many more skills than farm laborers did.But as factories became more complex, they had less use for six-year-olds. Soon they needed somewhat educated workers. Later they needed managers with MBAs. As the sophistication of industry advanced, the economic value of children declined. In order to continue being economically useful, children had to go to school to learn. Rather than adding to family income, they consumed family income. Children had to be clothed, fed, and sheltered, and over time the amount of education they needed increased dramatically, until today many “children”go to school until their mid-twenties and still have not earned a dime.According to the United Nations, the average number of years of schooling in the leading twenty-five countries in the world ranges from fifteen to seventeen.</div>
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Many of our grandparents or great-grandparents come from families that had ten children. A couple of generations before, you’d be lucky if three out of ten children survived. Now they were almost all surviving. However, in the economy of 1900, they could all head out and find work by the time they reached puberty. And that’s what most of them did. Ten children in eighteenth-century France might have been a godsend. Ten children in late-nineteenth-century France might have been a burden. Ten children in late-twentieth-century France would be a catastrophe. It took a while for reality to sink in, but eventually it became clear that most children wouldn’t die and that children were extremely expensive to raise. Therefore, people started having a lot fewer children, and had those children more for the pleasure of having them than for economic benefits. Medical advances such as birth control helped achieve this, but the sheer cost of having and raising children drove the decline in birthrates. Children went from being producers of wealth to the most conspicuous form of consumption. Parents began satisfying their need for nurturing with one child, rather than ten. Now let’s consider life expectancy.After all, the longer people live, the more people there will be at any given time.</div>
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Life expectancy surged at the same time that infant mortality declined. In 1800, estimated life expectancy in Europe and theUnited States was about forty years. In 2000 it was close to eighty years. Life expectancy has, in effect, doubled over the last two hundred years. Continued growth in life expectancy is probable, but very few people anticipate another doubling. In the advanced industrial world, the UN projects a growth from seventy-six years in 2000 to eighty-two years in 2050. In the poorest countries it will increase from fifty-one to sixty-six. While this is growth, it is not geometric growth and it, too, is tapering off. This will also help reduce population growth. The reduction process that took place decades ago in the advanced industrial world is now under way in the least developed countries.Having ten children in São Paolo is the surest path to economic suicide. It may take several generations to break the habit, but it will be broken. And it won’t return while the process of educating a child for the modern workforce continues to become longer and costlier. Between declining birthrates and slowing increases in life expectancy, population growth has to end.<br />
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<u>THE POPULATION BUST AND THE WAY WE LIVE</u></div>
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What does all this have to do with international power in the twenty-first century? The population bust affects all nations. But it also affects the life cycles of people within these nations. Lower populations affect everything from the number of troops that can fight in a war to how many people there are in the workforce to internal political conflicts. The process we are talking about will affect more than just the number of people in a country. It will change how those people live, and therefore how those countries behave.</div>
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Let’s start with three core facts. Life expectancy is moving toward a high of eighty years in the advanced industrial world;the number of children women have is declining; and it takes longer and longer to become educated.</div>
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A college education is now considered the minimum for social and economic success in advanced countries. Most people graduate from college at twenty-two. Add in law or graduate school, and people are not entering the workforce until their mid-twenties. Not everyone follows this pattern, of course, but a sizable portion of the population does and that portion includes most of those who will be part of the political and economic leadership of these countries. As a result, marriage patterns have shifted dramatically. People are putting off marriage longer and are having children even later.</div>
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Let’s consider the effect on women. Two hundred years ago, women started having children in their early teens. Women continued having children, nurturing them, and frequently burying them until they themselves died. This was necessary for the family’s well being and that of society. Having and raising children was what women did for most of their lives. In the twenty-first century this whole pattern changes. Assuming that a woman reaches puberty at age thirteen and enters menopause at age fifty, she will live twice as long as her ancestors and will for over half her life be incapable of reproduction. Let’s assume a woman has two children. She will spend eighteen months being pregnant, which is roughly 2 percent of her life. Now assume a fairly common pattern, which is that the woman will have these two children three years apart, that each child enters school at the age of five,and that the woman returns to work outside the home when the oldest starts school. The total time the woman is engaged in reproduction and full-time nurturing is eight years of her life. Given a life expectancy of eighty years,the amount of time exclusively devoted to having and raising children will be reduced to an astounding 10 percent of her life. Childbearing is reduced from a woman’s primary activity to one activity among many. Add to this analysis the fact that many women have only one child, and that many use day care and other mass nurturing facilities for their children well before the age of five, and the entire structure of a woman’s life is transformed. We can see the demographic roots of feminism right here.</div>
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Since women spend less of their time having and nurturing children, they are much less dependent on men than even fifty years ago. For a woman to reproduce without a husband would have created economic disaster for her in the past. This is no longer the case, particularly for better-educated women. Marriage is no longer imposed by economic necessity.This brings us to a place where marriages are not held together by need as much as by love. The problem with love is that it can be fickle. It comes and goes.If people stay married only for emotional reasons, there will inevitably be more divorce. The decline of economic necessity removes a powerful stabilizing force in marriage.</div>
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Love may endure, and frequently does, but by itself it is less powerful than when linked to economic necessity. Marriages used to be guaranteed, “till death do us part.” In the past, that parting was early and frequent. There were a great many fifty-year marriages during the transition period when people were having ten surviving children. But prior to that, marriages ended early through death, and the survivor remarried or faced economic ruin. Europe practiced what we might call serial polygamy, in which widowers (usually, since women tended to die in childbirth) remarried numerous times throughout their lives. In the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, habit kept marriages together for extraordinarily long periods of time.</div>
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A new pattern emerged in the later twentieth century, however, in which serial polygamy reasserted itself, but this time the trend was being driven by divorce rather than death. Let’s add another pattern to this. Whereas many marriages used to take place when one or both partners were in their early teens, people are now marrying in their late twenties and early thirties. It was typical for men and women to remain sexually inactive until marriage at age fourteen, but today it is, shall we say, unrealistic to expect someone marrying at age thirty to remain a virgin. People would be living seventeen years after puberty without sexual activity. That’s not going to happen. There is now a period built into life patterns where people are going to be sexually active but not yet able to support themselves financially.There is also a period in which they can support themselves and are sexually active, but choose not to reproduce. The entire pattern of traditional life is collapsing, and no clear alternative patterns are emerging yet. Cohabitation used to be linked to formal, legal marriage, but the two are now completely decoupled. Even reproduction is being uncoupled from marriage, and perhaps even from cohabitation.</div>
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Longer life, the decline in fertility rates, and the additional years of education have all contributed to the dissolution of previous life and social patterns. This trend cannot be reversed. Women are having fewer children because supporting a lot of children in industrial, urban society is economic suicide. That won’t change. The cost of raising children will not decline, nor will there be ways found to put six-year-olds to work.The rate of infant mortality is also not going to rise. So in the twenty-first century the trend toward having fewer, rather than more, children will continue.</div>
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<u>POLITICAL CONSEQUENCES</u></div>
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The more educated segments of the population are the ones where life patterns have diverged the most. The very poorest, on the other hand, have lived in a world of dysfunctional families since the industrial revolution began. For them, chaotic patterns of reproduction have always been the norm. However, between the college-educated professional and business classes on the one side and the underclass on the other, there is a large layer of society that has only partially experienced the demographic shifts. Among blue-and pink-collar workers there have been other trends, the most important of which is that they have shorter educations. The result is less of a gap between puberty and reproduction. These groups tend to marry earlier and have children earlier. They are far more dependent on each other economically, and it follows that the financial consequences of divorce can be far more damaging. There are non-emotional elements holding their marriages together, and divorce is seen as more consequential, as are extramarital and premarital sex. This group comprises many social conservatives, a small but powerful social cohort. They are powerful because they speak for traditional values. The chaos of the more highly educated classes can’t be called values yet; it will be a century before their lifestyles congeal into a coherent moral system. Therefore social conservatives have an inherent advantage, speaking coherently from the authoritative position of tradition. However, as we have seen, traditional distinctions between men and women are collapsing. As women live longer and have fewer children, they no longer are forced by circumstance into the traditional roles they had to maintain prior to urbanization and industrialization. Nor is family the critical economic instrument it once was.Divorce is no longer economically catastrophic, and premarital sex is inevitable.Homosexuality—and civil unions without reproduction—also becomes un-extraordinary.</div>
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Friedmen, G. (2009). <i>The Next 100 Years.</i> Doubleday</div>
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-78237649320337693852014-01-08T23:21:00.001-08:002014-01-20T17:47:18.292-08:00We Have a Serious Income Inequality Problem -- and it's NOT Caused by the Poor<div class="clearfix" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.818181991577148px; line-height: 13.63636302947998px; zoom: 1;">
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We have a serious income inequality problem -- and it's NOT caused by the poor.</h2>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">The days of being able to make it with guts, gumption and a good idea are no longer viable for the majority. In this country, the 400 richest Americans now have more wealth than the entire bottom half of earners— 150 million Americans— put together. Those who have made enormous amounts of money did not do this without the help of student loans, the employees who create and manage the day-to-day opportunities in their companies, the shareholders who actually invest their own money into the companies, the laws they now write for themselves which include exorbitant tax breaks and loopholes, and of course, consumers, the buyers in the marketplace. Post crash of 2008, we are left with people just like you and me, the middle class who are jobless. The 8.8 million hard working people who lost their jobs are now, many of them homeless too. Their CEOs are still earning 300 times the amount of the average worker who is now without a job altogether. CEOs used to make 40 times what an average worker makes. Their earnings are not supporting the economy. It is pure economics to see the importance of the wealthy re-investing in the economy through JOBS – not handouts -- so that the middle class, the workers, can keep our economy going.So many WRONGLY claim that 50% of us are supporting ~50% of slackers. </span></div>
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Facts are that ONLY 6.9% of people in the entitlement program (which includes Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid, most Veterans' Administration programs, federal employee and military retirement plans, unemployment compensation, food stamps, and agricultural price support programs) are non-elderly earning under $20,000 a year. There are two primary ways to pay no (or negative) federal income taxes? The first is to be poor, and the second is to be elderly. In 2011, of the 18.1% of American households who paid no federal tax (meaning, no federal income or payroll tax), more than half were elderly, and most of the other half were non-elderly people making below $20,000 a year. 28.3% of the 43% to which you refer pay payroll tax; 10.3% are elderly; and again, only 6.9% are non-elderly with an income under $20,000 annually. OF THAT PERCENTAGE, some ABUSE the system. The ABUSE MUST BE STOPPED by enforcing current laws and putting caps in place. The other thing people forget about is sales tax, phone tax, cable tax, gas tax, sewer tax, etc. The poor pay a lot of taxes (maybe not income tax) and these taxes amount to a lot of their income leaving them very little on which to live. People need to know what entitlements are and whom they serve; they must understand that the greater number of people who benefit from our aid are NOT abusing the system. So many have lost all perspective on this. Do you realize that MOST of the people on aid are middle to lower income families who are elders, children, or military, and those who lost everything in the financial crisis (8.8 million), who had homes and jobs but do not any longer and are now in need ($19.2 trillion lost in household wealth (2011dollars)? Let's never lose site of who gets aid. The wealth gap is NOT what it has been historically. Not only is it larger, but it is growing with the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. We have never seen this before.This is the most critical and dangerous wealth gap in our history -- ever. It is moving top UP and bottom DOWN.</div>
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As it stands, the super rich are ensuring themselves special treatment by Congress and the IRS that those average workers cannot ensure themselves (See comments on Citizens United and on McCutcheon v. FEC). Instead, the super rich are closing factories that employ entire generations and towns of U.S. citizens and they are moving those factories overseas, ensuring pay (although lower pay)to foreign workers. This in no way helps our economy.</div>
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Those folks who lost their jobs, those hard working Americans who lost their jobs and homes, have no way to buy consumer goods – which is the heart of a healthy economy. This big money is not earned by the CEO, without the help average worker – that CEOs lifeline. I posted the facts about the chairman of Merck took home $17.9 million in 2010, as Merck laid off 16,000 workers and announced layoffs of 28,000 more. The CEO of Bank of America raked in $10 million, while the bank announced it was firing 30,000 employees. Even though the rate of unemployment has begun to fall, jobs still remain scarce, and the pay of the bottom 90% continues to drop, adjusted for inflation. But CEO pay is still rising through the stratosphere. Among the CEOs who took in more than $50million in 2011 were Qualcomm’s Paul Jacobs ($50.6 million), JCPenney’s Ron Johnson ($51.5 million), Starbucks’s Howard Schultz ($68.8 million), TycoInternational’s Ed Breen ($68.9 million), and Apple’s Tim Cook ($378 million).That’s a great number earning big bucks but not without their lifeline of their business and our economy – the workers.</div>
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The Wall Streeters are doing even better. The super-rich are NOT investing in jobs and growth. They’re putting their bonanza into U.S. Treasury bills or investing it in Brazil or South Asia or anywhere else it can reap the highest return. THE AMERICAN ECONOMY IS IN TROUBLE BECAUSE SO MUCH INCOME AND WEALTH HAVE BEEN GOING TO THE TOP THAT THE REST OF US NO LONGER HAVE THE PURCHASING POWER TO KEEP THE ECONOMY GOING.</div>
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Pay close attention to these names: Partners in private-equity firms like Romney’s Bain Capital don’t risk their own money. They invest other people’s money and take 2 percent of it as their annual fee for managing the money regardless of how successful they are. They then pocket 20 percent of any upside gains. Partners like Romney pay taxes on only 13-15% of what they make—a lower rate than that paid by many middle-class Americans (you, your friends, me) — because of a loophole that treats this income as "capital gains."The ostensible reason capital gains are taxed at a much lower rate than ordinary income is to reward investors for "risking" their money, but private-equity managers don’t risk a dime. In fact, rather than taking any real risks, they get government to subsidize them. Having piled the companies they purchase with debt, private-equity managers then typically issue “special dividends” that repay the original investors. Interest payments on that mountain of debt are tax deductible. In effect, government subsidizes them for using debt instead of incurring any real risk with equity. If the companies are subsequently forced into bankruptcy because they can’t manage payments on all this debt, they dump their pension obligations on the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation (PBGC), a federal agency, which picks up the tab. If the PBGC can’t meet the payments, taxpayers are left holding the bag. It’s another variation on Wall Street’s playbook of maximizing personal gain and minimizing personal risk. If you screw up royally, you can still walk away like royalty. Taxpayers will bail you out. Personal responsibility is completely foreign to the highest echelons of the Street. Citigroup’s stock fell 44 percent in 2011, but its CEO,Vikram Pandit, got at least $5.45 million on top of a retention bonus of $16.7million. The stock of JPMorgan Chase fell 20 percent, but its CEO, Jamie Dimon,was awarded a package worth $22.9 million. The higher you go in corporateAmerica as a whole, the less of a relationship there is between risk and reward. Executives whose pay is linked to the value of their firm’s shares get a free ride when the stock market as a whole rises, even if they didn’t lift a finger. On the other hand, to protect their wallets against any risk that their firm’s share price might fall, they can place countervailing bets in derivatives markets. This sort of hedging helped the head of AIG, Hank Greenberg, collect $250 million in 2008, when AIG collapsed.</div>
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We need to approach the problem of widening income inequality from 6 different directions. The trick is to understand how they all fit together while choosing manageable actions that make sense to who you are. We may not be able to do everything at once but think of each action you take as an incremental step towards the structural change our economy needs. To get started, tell us who you are or select an issue that matters to you below.</div>
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RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE - Help turn the jobs we have into ones that will boost the economy, not bust it. Ensure full-time jobs have wages and benefits for people to afford basics.</div>
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STRENGTHEN WORKERS’ VOICES - Don’t let big employers take away the fundamental right of people to stick together to speak up for themselves at work; public policy should support workers who choose to form a union. (Frankly, if measures were in place and enforced to prevent corporate abuses, we may eliminate the need for unions. Some of today's unions have become the bullies they were created to combat).</div>
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INVEST IN EDUCATION - Ensure everyone has access to a great education spanning from early childhood to post-secondary.</div>
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REFORM WALL STREET - Ensure the financial sector is working honestly and accountably to prevent it from taking over our economy.</div>
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FIX THE TAX SYSTEM - Ensure everyone is contributing their fair share; reverse the “great tax shift” – tax policies that shifted taxes from rich individuals and corporations to the rest of us.</div>
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GET BIG MONEY OUT OF POLITICS - Overturn Citizens United so that corporations can’t spend unlimited amounts of money on campaigns, and in return affect public policy and spending priorities.</div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 20px;"><i>www.</i></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><i>inequalityforall.com</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>For more on how we got to where we are and how to get us to a better place, read: </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Beyond Outrage: Expanded Edition: What has gone wrong with our economy and our democracy, and how to fix it <span style="line-height: 19px;">by</span><span style="line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="author notFaded" data-width="" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 19px;"><span class="a-declarative" data-a-popover="{"position":"triggerBottom","name":"contributor-info-B000AQ51FI","allowLinkDefault":"true"}" data-action="a-popover" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><a class="a-link-normal contributorNameID" data-asin="B000AQ51FI" href="http://www.amazon.com/Robert-B.-Reich/e/B000AQ51FI/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1" style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: none;">Robert B. Reich</a></span></span></i></span></div>
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-41595500740058112302014-01-08T12:26:00.004-08:002014-05-08T12:26:06.888-07:00FIRST-HAND FAITH OR SECOND-HAND FAITH?<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 15.984375px;"><i>Be the change you seek -- Gandhi</i></span></span></div>
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In most organized religions the teachings are based on the originator’s transcendent or mystical experience, which is then transmitted to us. Religious belief is then not based on our personal experience but comes to us second-hand. We have inherited beliefs but may not have experienced these beliefs.</div>
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We can consider that we were taught/told that God is always with us. We thereby had faith that God is present in our life, what we have called a second-hand faith. But in some crisis we suddenly feel accompanied; we may experience God in our lives. Now we have first-hand faith. The experiential faith is the equivalent of deeper knowledge, true understanding, complete awareness. It is faith-in-experience, not simply experience because it refers to that which is transcendent of explanation by another or others. Notice that in this instance our faith is in the legitimacy of our experience. Our beliefs can be subject to doubt but our experience is not doubted because it is ours.</div>
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Most critically thinking adults will be hesitant about teachings and promises revealed in religion (organized collection of beliefs, cultural systems, world views, and dogmas that relate humanity to an order of existence) unless they really feel them in their own spiritual experience. David Richo writes:</div>
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RELIGIOSITY:<br />
When faith remains second-hand— does not become experiential — here is what then may happen to the four components of religion:</div>
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· Beliefs can become dogmatism.</div>
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· Morality can become moralism.</div>
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· Ritual can become rote and empty formalism.</div>
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· Devotion can become superstition.</div>
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SPIRITUALITY:</div>
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The challenge for adults with faith is to rekindle the original experience of a religion’s founder or to have a personal experience of the divine. Then the four components describe a faith that is spiritually aware and alive:</div>
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· Beliefs help us structure our lives in accord with a realization in us that a divine plan is afoot in the universe.</div>
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· A moral code becomes helpful in forming our personal conscience so that we become more loving and act with more and more integrity.</div>
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· Rituals nurture us and give us a sense of access to the divine and its graces in our daily life.</div>
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· Devotion warms into a personal relationship to God so that a sense of divine presence happens everywhere and anytime, especially in nature, where the evolutionary plan is most evident.</div>
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This is how inherited belief becomes the awakened awareness of adult faith. Spirituality is about God, especially one's own personal relationship with God, and any mysterious encounters or happenings that result from it. Spirituality has ethical components also, such as living a virtuous life by helping others and transcending one’s own selfish interests to seek what is right. </div>
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I identify with “spiritual” not “religious” because to me “spiritual” indicates a more intimate connection with God. To me, religion takes something personal and makes it institutional.</div>
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Why do I feel positively about this new Pope considering I have abandoned Church dogma? Because Pope Francis personifies the god within each of us, the god most of us have not had the courage to honor. As the leader of the Catholic Church across the globe, he has opened hearts and minds to the value of first-hand faith, living in a spiritual and ethical manner. </div>
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-81541810227075599202014-01-02T10:40:00.003-08:002014-01-02T12:54:36.613-08:00A Nation of Sheep Will Beget a Government of Wolves<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.190340042114258px;"><b>Sheeple</b></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.190340042114258px;"><b> </b>(a </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portmanteau" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19.190340042114258px; text-decoration: none;" title="Portmanteau">portmanteau</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.190340042114258px;"> of "sheep" and "people") is a term that highlights the </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herd_behavior" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19.190340042114258px; text-decoration: none;" title="Herd behavior">herd behavior</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.190340042114258px;"> of </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/People" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19.190340042114258px; text-decoration: none;" title="People">people</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.190340042114258px;"> by likening them to </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheep" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19.190340042114258px; text-decoration: none;" title="Sheep">sheep</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.190340042114258px;">, a </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herd" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19.190340042114258px; text-decoration: none;" title="Herd">her</a>d <span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.190340042114258px;">animal. The term is used to describe those who voluntarily acquiesce to a suggestion without critical analysis or research.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.190340042114258px;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhED1DbSc0bEznQrYJnhwa2D8Wmk4CBrTXDFGLQv8vPUixoxYgDQJAxoq58hSCk7o91kx23WecSUU12Nmu0qzF2igA4TmvQj32Zgf8oyTSAtjaLGXak-9EwhAyiHdjxfFMkITUU2IajP54/s1600/Sheeple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhED1DbSc0bEznQrYJnhwa2D8Wmk4CBrTXDFGLQv8vPUixoxYgDQJAxoq58hSCk7o91kx23WecSUU12Nmu0qzF2igA4TmvQj32Zgf8oyTSAtjaLGXak-9EwhAyiHdjxfFMkITUU2IajP54/s1600/Sheeple.jpg" height="220" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I spoke with my mom at length yesterday. A long time. She
started talking about politics and the things she was saying were so ill informed. She was spouting a great deal of propaganda and misinformation --
some outright lies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She is not a bad person and was not intentional in her
messages of misinformation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She is simply a perfect example of the extreme groupthink (<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: black;">a pattern
of thought characterized by self-deception, forced manufacture of consent, and
conformity to group </span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: black;">values
and ethics</span>) that
pervades this country. She bases her information off of what “others” say,
hearsay -- not on facts. Because of the special interests spearheading media
consolidation, the media has shunned their responsibility to afford the
populous real, fact-based news. What was once yellow journalism (j<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: black;">ournalism
that exploits, distorts, or exaggerates the news to create sensations and
attract readers, viewers, or listeners)</span> is now the norm. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People rarely have the time or take the time to understand
the special interests (or money) behind the "news" they see, hear and
spread throughout their communities. When I asked my mom where she gets her
news she said, "Everybody around here says..." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Watching scream TV, listening to scream radio and then
spreading the misinformation you gain from it is a vile and despicable act.
Social media has made the spread of viral hate and ignorance far too easy.
Those of you sharing lies and propaganda know this is wrong and your actions
directly contribute to the negative energy and incivility we experience in our
society today. Stop. You know who you are. You know what you are doing. You
know it is wrong. It is an immense danger in our society and a lead cause of
the greatest era of widespread incivility in our history. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333;">Disagreement
and debate are good things. America is well served when political parties
represent different viewpoints and then compete vigorously to recruit voters to
their side. </span><span style="color: #333333;">But the <span style="background: white;">increase in recent decades in demonization that
characterizes American political debate, particularly among politicians
and in the media is quite disturbing. When disagreements activate the
psychology of good-versus-evil, it becomes more difficult to reach agreements
that meet each side's key interests; reasoning becomes far less responsive to
facts; and combatants begin to believe that the ends justify the means.<br />
</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="background: white;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="background: white;">
When that happens, partisans are more willing to break laws, play dirty tricks,
lie, and ruin the personal lives of their opponents -- all in the service of
what they think is a good cause. We see this with the fringes and extremists
now, and through social media it only gets worse.</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Good
people are discouraged from entering politics. Good public servants are driven
out of public service. Now, good citizens are turning on one another, their
neighbors, their family and friends. Stop the ignorance. Stop the spread of
lies and propaganda. You are the foolish tool being used by the special
interest. What do you gain from such actions? Not only is it an insult to the
intellect of those who do actually check the facts and know how policy impacts
them personally, it also makes you look ignorant and/or evil. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333;">Why
not take the time to share the truth, the facts, and explain in a reasonable
manner, how those facts may impact you personally. No one can argue with that;
merit can be given to your stand – even if it differs from another’s stand.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-24213067330606002642013-12-31T10:55:00.001-08:002013-12-31T13:07:33.496-08:00HAPPY NEW YEAR to the Friends I Have, the Friends I Have Lost, and the Friends I Know Not<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>It it with great anticipation for change in my life and in this nation that I bid adieu to 2013. </i></div>
<br />
PERSONALLY:<br />
I have lost many whom I thought were real friends simply for the fact that I stand for civility and fairness, for critical thinking and collaboration -- for fact-based principled negotiation. Even those who are very close to me have stopped sharing and liking for fear of being judged negatively simply by association. To the many friends I have lost I wish for you strength, security and peace of mind. I believe people can separate with love and not hate. I am grateful for the parts of my life our relationships have afforded to my being as a whole. For me personally, I remind myself I am a child of God -- no better or worse than every other child of God. My "playing small does not serve the world." To quote Marianne Williamson:<br />
<br />
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”<br />
<br />
AS A NATION:<br />
This year has been a dark year in that we as a nation are distracted, deceived and divided. Divide and Conquer: A way of keeping a position of power by making the people disagree with each other so that they are unable to join together and remove you from your position. A small minority have continued to govern by a policy of divide and conquer and it continues on today. This strategy is how a small fringe group of criminal elitists and oligarchs (who control everything we read, see, or hear) continue to maintain power and control over this slave population. We will continue to be a slave population because of our purely emotional rather than logical reactions that create division, incivility, fear, and ultimately hate. This age old technique works and is being played out like a game of chess and we are the pawns. It's the "how" and the "why" we are not coming together and uniting against this small group of criminals and their minions who carry out their game of political and religious ideological BS. We must rid this nation of such division and learn tolerance of and appreciation for -- not fear of -- that which is different.<br />
<br />
In everything you see and hear, believe or act upon 1) check the facts, 2) trust your own intuition, 3) use your own reason, 4) make your own decision and 5) give merit to another's stand -- even if it differs from yours.<br />
<br />
Fisher and Ury describe distribute/competitive as “positional” negotiation and integrative/collaborative as “principled” negotiation. Consider the focus of negotiation, associated behaviors, and effects on dis/agreements.<br />
<br />
We have most unfortunately taken our cues from Congress -- the worst Congress in this nation's history. We need less Distributive Negotiation (Positional; Zero-sum) because parties perceive their goals as mutually exclusive or in competition with those of their counterparts.<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Parties are Adversaries<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Victory is the Goal<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Parties Demand Concessions as a Condition of the Relationship<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Parties are Hard on People<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Distrust Abounds<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Entrenchment, Threats, and Deception are Key Tactics<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Argument and Debate<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Extreme Demands<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Grudging Concessions<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Unwillingness to Listen<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Positional Statements<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Contentious Tactics<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Produces Unwise Agreements<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Inefficient<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Endangers Ongoing Relationships<br />
<br />
This country needs healing. We as a nation of families, friends, neighbors, brothers and sisters known and unknown need more Integrative Negotiation (Principled; Win-win) where goals are viewed as compatible. Problem solving is seen as a way to achieve win/win solutions. Also known as Collaborative, Win/Win, or Principled Negotiation, this practice focuses on interests; participants are problem solvers; the goals is a wise outcome and solid relationship. In Principled (or Win-win bargaining)<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Separate the People from the Problem<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Focus on Interests, Not Positions<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Invent Options for Mutual Gain<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Insist on Using Objective Criteria<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Open Sharing of Information<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Willingness to Trust Others<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Tradeoffs of Valued Positions<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Interest-Based Discussion<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Mutual Goals<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Problem Solving<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Explanation<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Relationship Building<br />
•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Parties are Hard on the Problem -- not the people<br />
<br />
AS A WORLD:<br />
I see beauty in this world. I see good in all, even in the bad, as there is always a lesson to be learned. All too often we know "entertainment" in this life but do we know true "joy." I will risk saying that most in this world do not know true joy. Joy comes with the delight in every breath, in every smile, in every glance, in every silent moment of reflection -- on the good and the bad. True joy is a gift.<br />
<br />
JOY joi/ noun<br />
A feeling of great pleasure and happiness. Example, "tears of joy"<br />
synonyms: delight, great pleasure, joyfulness, jubilation, triumph, exultation, rejoicing, happiness, gladness, glee, exhilaration, exuberance, elation, euphoria, bliss, ecstasy, rapture; enjoyment, felicity, joie de vivre, "whoops of joy" pleasure, source of pleasure, delight, treat, thrill "it was a joy to be with her"<br />
<br />
We all experience pain in our lives -- no doubt. Remember, however, pain is not a choice but suffering is. Let's make a choice to be happy, be mindful, be joy-filled, be kind, be loving, be open to that which is different, be smart, be compassionate, be patient (one I have to work on for many moons to come), be understanding, be accountable, be responsible, be fun, be happy, be compassionate, be blessed, be Godly, and at the end of the day -- just BE. It doesn't matter what you do -- it matters who you are. God created us as human BEINGS not human doings.<br />
<br />
HAPPY NEW YEAR to the friends I have, the friends I have lost, and the friends I know not. May we all make 2014 meaningful and memorable.<br />
<br />
Goodbye 2013. Hello 2014!<br />
<br />Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-53227385404161564142013-12-16T14:40:00.003-08:002013-12-16T14:40:40.202-08:00My Happiness<h1 class="quoteText" style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px;">
“Happiness is a vine that takes root and grows within the heart, never outside it.” <span style="text-align: right;">― </span><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6466154.Kahlil_Gibran" style="color: #666600; text-align: right; text-decoration: none;">Kahlil Gibran</a></h1>
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">To Me, Happiness is...</span><br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Falling in love -- every morning when I wake up
with Mike.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Laughing so hard my cheeks burn -- or I wet my
pants</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">A hot bubble bath with scented candles and
classical music...</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">...and often a good book.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">A special glance and a wink to follow over the
breakfast table.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">6.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Getting mail -- real mail -- from anyone,
really.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">7.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hiking in Hawaii.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">8.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hearing my favorite 80s songs on the radio.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">9.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">10.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hot
towels fresh out of the dryer.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">11.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Cold
sheets after a hot bath.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">12.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">A
washed car.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">13.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Giggling
with James -- especially if he made me laugh.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">14.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">A
good, deep conversation with James -- from which I usually learn something new.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">15.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">The
beach with Mike and James -- and a football.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">16.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Finding
money in my pocket.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">17.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Laughing
at myself -- which I do frequently.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">18.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Eye
contact -- and then a deeper understanding.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">19.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Two
o'clock AM reading with Mike.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">20.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Running
through sprinklers in Central Park with Mike.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">21.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Laughing
for absolutely no reason at all -- or having one and not being able to share
it.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">22.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Having
people in my life I can honestly tell, "You are a beautiful
human."</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">23.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Overhearing
someone say something nice about my son.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">24.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Morning
kisses -- after we brush.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">25.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Making
new friends -- or spending quality time with old ones.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">26.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Playing
with Mamie Lou.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">27.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Having
someone rub my scalp.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">28.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Sweet
dreams that seem so real -- and I can remember them.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">29.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hot
chocolate, hot buttered rum, hot coffee with Kaluha.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">30.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Road
trips.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">31.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Swinging
on swings -- until I break it like I did to our back porch swing in Southdowns.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">32.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Baking
bread, cakes, cookies, brownies, and pies.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">33.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Holding
hands with Mike -- or James when he allows.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">34.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Running
into an old friend and realizing things never change.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">35.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Watching
the expression on James' face as he opens a present from Mike and me.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">36.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Watching
the sunset on Waikiki Beach.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">37.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Getting
out of bed every morning, embracing a new beautiful day -- know yesterday is
gone and tomorrow doesn't exist.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">38.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Knowing
that somebody misses me -- this is especially so considering we live so far
away. Really, this means a lot.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">39.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">A
soft smile and a warm hug.</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">40.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Knowing
I've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.</span><br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></span>
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-77684278161138853642013-12-16T12:15:00.001-08:002013-12-16T12:15:52.394-08:00Lovingkindness at Christmas -- and Always<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.6875px;"><i>“Best of all, Christmas means a spirit of love. – A time when the love of God and the love of our fellow men should prevail over all hatred and bitterness; a time when our thoughts and deeds, and the spirit of our lives manifest the presence of God.”</i></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20.6875px; text-align: start;">-- George F. McDougall</span></div>
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">Mike and I sent my mom a huge box of Omaha steaks, chicken, burgers, desserts, sides and such. She called me in tears thanking me -- saying it beats meals-on-wheels. It is with a heavy and sad heart that I listened as she went on about how much she appreciated the gift and hoped to enjoy it with family.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">When we spoke last, she asked of what remains, what do I want when she passes. I looked at her</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;"> and said I wanted nothing but the memories of the tremendous blessings she and my dad bestowed upon us (and not without help from the big guy). She took offense to my declining any of her worldly things. I suppose she is not in the same place spiritually as I, and I understand now to her that may have been an insult -- although I never intended it as such. I assure her that my brothers may want some of her things and what remains after, I will share with her grandchildren. Her grandchildren do not know her but perhaps a token might at least bring them closer, even if it's too late, in a sense. I looked at her and smiled a small forced smile, and I fought the tears, as I was reminded of how her life has unfolded.<br /><br />This is a woman who once lived in a convent only to grow up and marry to live in what could be called, "a mansion" with my dad, three brothers and me, a swimming pool, a fishing pond, a dirt bike trail, an airstrip and a Quarter Horse ranch in the "backyard." She now lives alone in a tiny apartment in a gated complex with little eyesight and lots of memories. She sits amidst unpacked boxes as she has since she moved in years and years ago, shortly after my dad's death.<br /><br />Growing up, each Christmas we would host a huge Christmas party for hundreds of people: all the staff at my dad's hospital and tons of friends from Plaquemine, Baton Rouge, and New Orleans. As his health and career took him in different directions, we no longer hosted such festivities but we did still have at least twenty people over each Christmas for a sumptuous and seemingly never-ending spread of food, wine, champagne and after dinner drinks.<br /><br />We always had two Christmas trees -- one in the formal living room which was beautifully flocked and decorated in a theme by Dupont's Florist (as was the entirety of the downstairs of our home) and the other which was in the den, always a fresh, green tree the kids would decorate with ornaments -- homemade and special in other ways -- ornaments with meaning.<br /><br />Santa (who may or may not have been white) brought gifts for everyone including those who were not family but were unable to visit their family for the holiday. I played Santa's helper each year and no one went home empty handed -- we always had a gift for each guest. No one went home without a full belly -- there was so much food and drink. No one went home without a full head -- my dad was such a wise man and a grand storyteller. No one went home without a full heart -- we shared lots lovingkindness. My father was central to those days and these memories.<br /><br />I know my mother misses him -- quite terribly. She claims to be strong but I know the holidays are hard for her. She finally admitted to getting lonely. I knew all along she was going to be lonely but felt helpless, as we departed for Hawaii four years ago, just as they took her car away (she had lost her sight). Through a series of unforeseen circumstances beyond her control, she has found herself "enjoying" Picadilly for Christmas and Thanksgiving for many recent years. I hope and pray that this year, she might delight in the overindulgence of great food, good fun, and what is left of her family. This is a woman who has two sons still living nearby, one son who has passed, and me -- half a world away. My dad's birthday is December 28. Some may forget; my mother will never forget.<br /><br />Dad, if you're in Heaven -- and on Facebook (ha ha) -- know that we miss you and love you beyond measure. We are grateful for having been blessed by such a compassionate and brilliant man whom we could call our own. I hope we told you -- and showed you -- how much we love and appreciate you while you were among us but in the event we did not, I believe you know now. Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to you.<br /><br />Friends, everyone has a story. For those who think you know my mother's story, I am betting you do not. I think of my mother -- and her story -- and know that she who talks a lot, laughs a lot, may in fact be the same she who cries herself to sleep at night.<br /><br />This Christmas when you gather together with your friends and family, show them lovingkindness and listen to them and their story. God bless, Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays to all.</span><br />
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-75182071989910748762013-08-29T23:15:00.000-07:002015-10-20T09:26:22.528-07:00A Letter to the President<div style="line-height: 15.994318008422852px; padding: 0px;">
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dear Mr. Obama,</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just a quick reminder, YOU are the POTUS who was going to bring our troops home. As sad as the situation is at our neighbor's house, we must protect our own family here at home. I am tired of losing mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, time, money and hope. I am becoming disillusioned.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Civility in America continues to disintegrate and rude discourse and behavior are becoming the “new normal.” Reports of personal infringements are on the rise, and while Americans continue to blame politicians as the leading source of our nation’s civility problems. </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have defended your inability to move the ball down the field because of the clear and unacceptable partisanship and gridlock caused by the owned and operated political whores in US Congress.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have acknowledged that not everyone can have the networking charisma that many if not most great leaders (FDR, JFK, Reagan, Clinton) have. It is simply a personality trait not all of us possess.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have understood this country's need for universal healthcare and had my own personal reasons to support this movement. I believe that people with pre-existing conditions should be afforded healthcare coverage -- I have a mother who has survived breast cancer twice; I have two stepdaughters who are still on our insurance plans; I could go on but that would be a bit too personal. You’ll just have to trust me.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have understood that the voter ID laws put the poor and elderly in a predicament they have not seen in years and this change is rightly off putting to them. I do know it is less about correcting a problem of voter fraud, as that really does not exist; the outcry is more about creating a problem where there was not one. People do not take well to such things. I understand their cry.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I vehemently host a disdain for Citizens United, which has unleashed a Cancer upon this nation like none other -- LIKE NONE OTHER.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have been supportive of your very correct thinking and acting on the issue of equal human rights for all human beings. I believe in freedom and I think that if not everyone is free, then no one is free in this great nation.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I stand by you in your support of women's rights in the arenas of choice and equal pay. Although I do not believe abortion should be used as a convenient form of birth control, I do believe it should be an available option. A woman’s mind, body, and soul should not be an issue of any political party platform. All too often, we find that church dictates make their way into our legislation because of the power and wealth of that lobby. In light of the concern regarding women’s rights – so long and hard fought for– may we be aware in our every word and every action, the importance of compassion, responsibility, and interfaith harmony. There was a very good reason our founding fathers ensured we host a wall of separation between church and state.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I give you credit and kudos where both are due in that you rid the world of Osama Bin Laden. <span style="background: white;">In 2008, you stated, "We will kill bin Laden; we will crush Al Qaida. That has to be our biggest national security priority" and you did. For that, history, and I, will be forever grateful. </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">HOWEVER, on the issue of WAR – let me be quite clear...</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I DO NOT SUPPORT ANY MEASURE THAT WOULD SEND ONE SINGLE US SAILOR OR SOLDIER INTO THE MOST HORRIFIC WAR-TORN AREA OF THIS WORLD.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After the longest wars in our history in Iraq and Afghanistan, Americans – yes, Republicans, Independents, and Democrats – all AMERICANS -- are sick over the 6,500+ dead and 40,000+ wounded, fed up with the $2 trillion+ in costs, and disillusioned with the results that a decade of sacrifice has produced.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Might I remind you a Harris Poll of the public in 2012 showed a majority of Americans think the forty-third president was the worst in post–World War II America. George W. Bush's response to 9/11, and in particular the two wars that the terrorist attacks spawned, were the centerpiece of the George W. Bush years. As his second term went by, and the enormity and gravity of his administration’s miscalculations and missteps became clear, the once popular president paid a price—just as his father had, for different reasons. Set against the miscalculations that had made the Iraq War a costly fiasco were the other post-9/11 Bush policies that had become increasingly controversial and unpopular. </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bush and his administration turned national security concerns into an obsession. Bush’s approval ratings went to a record low. They were only worsened by the failed response to Hurricane Katrina in 2005 and the financial crisis that began as a recession in 2007 and quickly grew into the worst economic catastrophe since the Great Depression. By most measures— lack of job creation, rising unemployment, the exploding deficit, and the first deep cracks in the great housing downturn— eight years of Bush’s management of the economy were disastrous. As Bush was preparing to leave office and the contest between McCain and you took place, the American economy was approaching meltdown territory. Wall Street scandals, failing brokerages, international banking crises, and the bankruptcies of the major American automakers had the American economy on the brink of the worst scenario since the 1920s. McCain and you were put in the unusual position of sitting in as decisions about the economy were made, since one of you would inherit the economic catastrophe unraveling under Bush. </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">DO NOT SEND ANOTHER US SAILOR OR SOLDIER INTO A CERTAIN DEATH FOR AN UNCERTAIN GAIN.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">History, and I, gave George W. Bush a grade of an "F." </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mr. Obama, with all due respect, if you send us into war in Syria, I will give you too a grade of an "F."</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have no more of me to give -- I am spent. If you declare war, you will no longer be worthy of my words or deeds. However, I will continue to give you my prayerful support as I would with any US President. I will continue to pray for peace in this great nation. God knows we need it. </span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Respectfully,</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Susan Freeman</span></div>
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-30494309226231181572013-08-09T11:33:00.003-07:002013-08-09T11:38:44.640-07:00On the Eve of My 47th BirthdayFrom August 6, 2013, the eve of my 47th birthday...<br />
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Mike has taken the boys to see "Pacific Rim." I stayed home. I watched "Mud" on Vudu, sipped on some Malbec, and nibbled on leftovers.<br />
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The movie is now over and the screen has gone blank. It is pitch black in the room -- except for the glow of my MacBook screen. If I look to my left I can see the city lights and the ships' lights reflecting on the ocean. It is very quiet. We have a fan in the de<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">n and I can feel its cool breeze hit my face as it oscillates. It is very calming.<br /><br />I don't know what I'll do next but the beauty in that is I need not do anything.<br /><br />Night has fallen and my home is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. My boys are bonding and I am feeling blessed. Sometimes, in fact all too often, I sit and think -- and think, and think, and think.<br /><br />Tonight, I will just sit.</span></div>
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-67857157031759423082013-07-12T06:01:00.002-07:002014-07-30T08:35:09.240-07:00A Day at the Spa in Norway<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">Okay so today I was in the spa having just gotten my assigned locker key, slippers and robe as I was told to go down the candle-lit hallway and turn right to enter the women’s dressing area to disrobe. I walked slowly down the hall enjoying the aromatic scents of candles and oils in the spa. I turned right as instructed and saw a wall of frosted glass. I did not see a door. I did not see a door be</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">ll. I did not see a door handle. I did not see a door knob. I simply saw a wall of frosted glass.<br /><br />Since my Norwegian is rusty <<wink>> I thought I should just keep looking rather than go back to the front desk and ask. I looked and looked and saw no way in. I slowly stepped closer to the frosted glass wall to see a sheet of frosted glass glide open before me. Viola! I had a tiny little celebration in my head as I strode proudly into the dressing room.<br /><br />I got undressed and put the assigned robe on and then put all my belongings into the assigned locker. I locked the locker with my assigned key and proceeded out of the magic wall of frosted glass. I sat briefly in the hallway of candles and oils awaiting Sylvia, my assigned esthetician. Sylvia approached me with a saunter and a most beautiful smile and then she proceeded to whisper my name softly in the hallway. I have never heard my name expressed in such an emotive manner before. I nodded yes and followed Sylvia into the special room where she would be giving me my facial. She went through all the rigors an esthetician goes through to prepare herself and then my face, for what was to come. Turns out what was to come was one of the most relaxing facials I have ever gotten. I felt almost drunk as she massaged my neck and shoulders, my head and ears. As the mask worked its magic on my skin, Sylvia worked hers on my muscles.<br /><br />I actually became so relaxed that she said, “I do not have another client after you so feel free to enjoy your time in this room – and she exited.” Well, well, well, little did Sylvia know that I and my sleep-deprived body and mind would take her offer to heart. I fell asleep.<br /><br />I was awakened by a knock on the door. It was Sylvia asking me if I was ready to leave. Ooops.<br /><br />I slowly got up from the table and put the robe back on. I walked down the long candle-lit hallway to the magic wall of frosted glass. The wall opened before me and I proceeded to the showers – which by the way, have no curtains.<br /><br />As I am taking my long, hot shower, a woman enters my shower and through the steam I see it is Sylvia. She is crying out, “Madam, you have left your towel and your glasses in my room.”<br /><br />Well, good thing I am a confident healthy girl because that might have made for an uncomfortable moment for some. As the hot water pours over me, I ask Sylvia to simply put my towel and glasses on the seat in the dressing area and I will get them after I am done with my shower.<br /><br />So at this stage I am feeling quite relaxed and most at peace. Everything is right with the world. This facial and my nap, not to mention the long rest with the lavender mask have changed the course of my life. I kid you not...at that point, I was feeling totally one with the world.<br /><br />I slowly dry off and dress in a state of dissociation from reality as I saunter down the candle-lit hallway smelling the most powerful aromatic candles and oils.<br /><br />As I reach the end of the hallway I see a frosted glass wall and I stride briskly, confidently, and intently toward it to exit. BAM! I am talking a POW!, ZOWIE!, BLAMO! kind of BAM!<br /><br />I ran smack-dab, face-first into a not-so-magic wall of frosted glass only to learn that the CLEAR glass wall at THIS end of the hallway is the exit.<br /><br />My pug nose gets the hit worst of all, even though the pain is amply shared by my forehead and chin. Yes, SPLAT into the frosted glass my newly minted face went. Needless to say, I was awake for the first time in days. Nothing like a little embarrassing comic relief accompanied by serious to severe pain to wake a girl who hasn’t slept for days (and to keep her ego in check I might add).</span>Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-67705230443285771312013-06-05T23:44:00.000-07:002013-06-04T23:51:37.788-07:00Happy Anniversary -- This Time It's the Real Deal<i>“Most people think of love as a feeling but love is not so
much a feeling as a way of being present.” </i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">-- David Richo</span></div>
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THANK YOU, CHARLES MICHAEL FUTRELL<br />
FOR SOME OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE!</div>
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Happy Anniversary to my soul mate, husband, lover, partner, challenger, cohort, sometimes adversary, and always, always -- best friend.<br />
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At our wedding, June 5, 2009 Maris LeBlanc read the following from Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran and we have lived by these words since that day:<br />
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<i style="background-color: white;"><span class="head1" style="color: #415941; font-size: 24px; font-weight: bold;">On Marriage</span></i></div>
<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">But let there be spaces in your togetherness,</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. </span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">Love one another, but make not a bond of love:</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. </span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">And stand together yet not too near together:</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">For the pillars of the temple stand apart,</span><br style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px;">And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In this, my absolute final marriage, I have taken a fresh
perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal
mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Together Mike and I explore the hallmarks of mindful loving and
how they play a key role in our marriage:<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Attention - to the present moment; observing,
listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Acceptance - of ourselves and others just as we
are.</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Appreciation - of all our gifts, our limits, our
longings, and our poignant human predicament.</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Affection - shown through holding and touching
in respectful ways.</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Allowing - life and love to be just as they are,
with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
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When deeply understood and applied, these five simple
concepts form the basis of our mature love. They help us to move away from
judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism
about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these hallmarks, our
marriage becomes deeper and more meaningful every day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This marriage has been transformational for both Mike and
me. We truly love and respect one another with our flaws and faults, accepting
that we cannot change one another. At the same time, we allow each to change
ourselves as needed. By no means has this been a perfect, unflawed,
mistake-free marriage. We have both grown spiritually in our marriage,
intellectually in our friendship, emotionally in our partnership, and yes,
physically in our celebrating life together. We know that in this life, there
is nothing we cannot handle – especially together, moment by moment. The "good" affords us positive
memories for ourselves, and our family; the "bad" affords us lessons that ensure
personal growth. I believe every action is a call to a higher power – for Mike and for me,
the higher power is God.<br />
<br />
Daily, we strive for godliness. We do not always succeed but we know that what matters is the journey and we try and try and try. So far, so good.<o:p></o:p></div>
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However, life has certain givens, <span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">certain
unavoidable facts; five stand out for all of us (Richo): <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> 1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Everything changes and
ends,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> 2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Things do not always go
according to our plans,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> 3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Life is not always fair,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> 4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Suffering is part of
everyone’s life, and<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> 5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">People are not always
loving, honest, generous, loyal—nor can they be expected to be. </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">An unconditional yes to
these facts of life is a surrender to what is. This is not resignation or
giving up. It is aligning ourselves to reality with calm ruthlessness. We then
find the wisdom to see the difference between what can and what cannot be
changed. We do all we can to change the things that can be changed and, with
equal alacrity, to accept whatever cannot be changed. We are serene in
unalterable circumstances because we are no longer beleaguered by the stress of
being at odds with them.<br />
<br />
The opposite of saying yes is seeking control. We try to control other people,
our own feelings, and life events. In facing life as it is, the style of yes is
to let the chips fall where they may and then play them to the best benefit of
ourselves, and others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This I believe, and as
Mike and I commit daily to being open, honest, and direct in this marriage, we
practice our unconditional yes, without protest or complaint, we notice that we
no longer ask, “Why?” or “Why me?” Now we simply say, “Yes, now what?”<br />
<br />
</span>Mike is a stronger, more secure, more compassionate man than the man I married and I am a more patient, empathetic, and allowing woman than the one he married. From me, he has learned that he must love God, himself, and others -- in that order. From him, I have learned that letting go is one of life's most powerful lessons resulting in the most meaningful outcomes.<br />
<br />
May we have as many moments together in time as God wishes to afford. In the meantime, may there be spaces in our togetherness, allowing the winds of heaven dance between us. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I love you – you are worthy of my love; </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I hope I am always worthy of yours.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Happy Anniversary, Michael!</div>
</div>
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Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-21162699950887621552013-05-16T13:09:00.000-07:002013-05-16T13:11:16.822-07:00Release Regret, Embrace Forgiveness<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I
struggle with regret or self-reproach because of the mistakes I have made in
life, I am no longer ashamed of my fallibility. My mind may shoot arrows of
regret at me from time to time, but I am using them to open my heart, not to
wound it.</span></i><br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-- Richo, D.</span></i></i></span></i></div>
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<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;">We
have all made mistakes or committed indiscretions, be it in the realm of
finances, careers, relationships, health, or other areas of our lives.
Sometimes, memories of one or more of these mistakes may arise out of nowhere
as stabbing pains of regret. Our sense of ourselves can be reduced from
inflated to real and we regain humility. In these moments, we must practice
loving-kindness toward ourselves, and others. If our regret is about how we
have harmed others, our practice is to make amends. If our regret is about how
someone has hurt us we might say, “May I forgive now no matter
how I was hurt in the past." This can be quite liberating, and it the only path to true happiness.<br />
<br />
Regret must not force us into a useless sense of shame, making us lose sight of
our positive qualities. When regrets no longer victimize us but become triggers
to the healing powers we all host within, we are encouraged. We begin to see
all that has happened in our lives with detachment from suffering and
commitment to compassion. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;">As
the Buddhists say, "Pain is not a choice but suffering is." </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;">Letting
go of regret can be difficult if we choose to make it so. A greater challenge
is often forgiveness of self and others. At times they go hand-in-hand. For me,
forgiveness was my only clear path to healing from that, which was done to me.
When I elected to step out of the role of the victim and into the role of the
empowered, strong, independent, and self-reliant, I found freedom and true happiness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;">Isn’t
to love and be loved what every human deserves from day one?</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;">In
the long run I have no regret, as everything that has happened has been an
opportunity for spiritual growth. As one friend put it, every action -- good or
bad -- is a reaching out to a higher power, a higher consciousness -- something
greater than we ourselves are. I call "it" God but you may call it
something other than. Regardless, it resides within us all and we should tap
into it, become aware of it, and realize we share it with everyone else who
inhabits the Earth. Simply because one does not recognize or acknowledge it,
does not mean it doesn't exist. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;">At
the core, one is no better or worse than the other -- perhaps different on the
surface but that's it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;">To
live with regret for your actions or the actions of others is futile. To strive
for forgiveness of oneself and others is perhaps the better focus of our
attentions. Peace of mind, strength of body, wholeness of heart, and harmony of all three is attainable through forgiveness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt;">Release regret, embrace forgiveness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhePlAXcZO3v_l05AF5P-Fb_5fzp-x9OWPqIry80-l226Zo7HbmJjQH-JxP_90eoV5MFbszmtpzgPKxmaJEn6j9ifRSUeOm46PmrY5CZb1g7BxxQ23AAC_4ACXgF8hmkFhxvJzTveZP_ds/s1600/DSC_0196.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhePlAXcZO3v_l05AF5P-Fb_5fzp-x9OWPqIry80-l226Zo7HbmJjQH-JxP_90eoV5MFbszmtpzgPKxmaJEn6j9ifRSUeOm46PmrY5CZb1g7BxxQ23AAC_4ACXgF8hmkFhxvJzTveZP_ds/s1600/DSC_0196.JPG" height="420" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment-->Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-63074292264204583092013-04-25T13:41:00.000-07:002013-04-25T19:22:14.536-07:00My Son -- Soon to Be Twelve<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your children are not your children.<br />
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.<br />
They come through you but not from you,<br />
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You may give them your love but not your thoughts,<br />
For they have their own thoughts.<br />
You may house their bodies but not their souls,<br />
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,<br />
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.<br />
You may strive to be like them,<br />
but seek not to make them like you.<br />
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You are the bows from which your children<br />
as living arrows are sent forth.<br />
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,<br />
and He bends you with His might<br />
that His arrows may go swift and far.<br />
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;<br />
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,<br />
so He loves also the bow that is stable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">-- Kahlil Gibran<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I was married to my previous husband, we got pregnant on my birthday August 7. We found out the baby's due date was on his birthday, April 29 or 30 (forgive me for forgetting but he is my ex now, so...) Frankly, I thought that was pretty special. Turns out, he came late and was born on May 2 instead. (I may post later about why the doctors were so very glad he came late...it has to do with my contracting poison sumac while mowing the lawn at 9 months pregnant. But that's a story for another day.) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This post is in honor of my favorite human -- James Sumner Freeman Futrell (yes, officially).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today is April 25, and as my beautiful son'</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">s birthday approaches, I reflect on the purpose he has brought to my life and the blessing he has been to me -- and to Michael, my current/last/forever husband -- and James REAL father. Although we share our feelings openly in this family and we encourage one another to honor the god-within each of us, I cannot put into appropriate words for my soon-to-be twelve year old to understand the depths to which he has journeyed in his young life. He is quite spiritual for his age and he is gifted with sensitivities that most do not have or cherish if they do. However, as he gets older and better able to process thoughts, words and actions, I share with him stories of his past, stories of our predecessors, stories of great men and women world wide, throughout history. I encourage him to read and when he reads, to read of meaningful events in time, special people in history, unique places in the world. My hope is to continue a tradition of curious exploration of the world around him, and more importantly, the world within him. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He has read a great deal about the Holocaust and then visited the Holocaust Museum. He has read about Al Capone and visited Alcatraz where his grandfather once treated the prisoners. He has read about Louie Zamperini and actually visited with this most amazing man about which "Unbroken" was written. He has read about Don Quixote and now knows p</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;">erception is everything. The way we choose to see the world is
how it shall be --</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;"> even though we may not
always be able to control what happens to us, we can control how we perceive
it. We create our own reality.</span><br />
<!--EndFragment--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until James was about nine years old, we read together as a family. Now, he reads on his own. Unfortunately, he has discovered "Minecraft" (ugh) so he doesn't embrace the reading as oft. However, we require a half-hour of reading daily -- no excuses. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When he was younger, we read this silly little book together where we had to answer specific questions throughout. As James approaches twelve, I delight in re-reading our answers. In honor of my little man for his twelfth birthday, I laugh out loud, cry out loud and still wonder with amazement about the purpose he has brought to our lives. Some are serious, some are funny, all are meaningful and true. Enjoy...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Three words that best describe you: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: 1. picky eater, 2. loving, and 3. gregarious</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: 1. conscientious, 2. loving, and 3. smart</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Favorite things to do with you:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Read as a family; playing sports</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Reading; getting yogurt; visiting one-on-one because you make me laugh; talking about life and God; listening in when you and dad say your prayers together; travelling because James is an awesome travel pal.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Favorite nickname for you:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Peanut</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Giacomo-mo</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you were a cookie, you'd be:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chocolate Chip - my favorite</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Chocolate Chip - everyone's fave</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The first time I saw you I felt:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Jealous of all the hair</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Overwhelmed with love and wonder; fear that I could not possibly love you as you deserve</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm so proud of you because:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: You are committed to your school work</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: You are joy-filled and you bring a smile to everyone you meet</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you were a movie you'd be:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: an action adventure</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: a slapstick comedy</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A story we will never tire of:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When James went totally unnoticed by the secret service and hung out on the beach with President Obama and his family </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you for teaching me:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: To pray to God with authenticity</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: To be patient and have compassion</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love when you help me:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Cook</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Cook</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love it when you:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Sing; play sports; laugh; do the chicken dance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Laugh; do your homework; help others</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You always make me laugh when you:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Fart </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Quote Calvin and Hobbes</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here are some ways you've changed my life:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Made me younger; brought verve into my life; I know love</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: You are the reason I breathe, my reason for being</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I always appreciate when you:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Hug me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Use your manners</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The thing I admire most about you is:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Wisdom; compassion for others</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Value of God, self, others -- in that order; zest for life</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you were an animal, you'd be:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: A squirrel trying to get a nut</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: A genius breed of dog</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The quirky things I love about you:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: That you read Calvin and Hobbes while on the pot</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: That you are bold and brave -- even in the face of bullies hurting others</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I predict when you grow up, you'll be:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Older! Ha ha ha (oh, and hairy); successful</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Happy, healthy, and strong</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will never forget the first time you:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Called me "Dad"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mom: Got sick, threw up -- and I convinced you it was because Auntie Michelle Forte gave you McDonald's french fries</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love the little everyday things we do like:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Brush our teeth together every night</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: I eavesdrop on you and your dad when you say your prayers at night</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As you grow up, James (Peanut, Giacomo-mo), my advice to you is:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mike: Live life to the fullest -- no regrets!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Susan: Always be honest; respect yourself and others; and laugh -- a lot! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We LOVE you wholly, with no reservation, with no condition. We respect you. We honor you. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SON.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-37164343963273379392013-04-19T13:50:00.005-07:002013-04-19T13:52:15.666-07:00My Grandmother: A Rose is a Rose is a Rose<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Mama Rosa knew a lot of medicine. She probably never heard of the word 'genetics,' and if she did she probably didn't understand it's importance. But before her son got married, Mama Rosa wanted not only to meet the woman he was marrying, but her mother, her father, her sister, aunts, uncles, and any other kin. As Mama Rosa was fond of saying, 'The acorn don't fall far from the tree!'"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">--James A. Freeman, MD</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those words are quite ironic considering Grandma Rosa's past. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I remember that I had my own room at my grandma Rose’s home.
It was cozy and quaint --and best of all, all mine. I stayed there a lot as my father and
mother were very, very busy adults who had me "later in life." (I suppose “Susan” was a much
nicer name than “Oh shit!”) </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I loved my grandma’s house. She cooked and cleaned, taught
me to bake lemon meringue pies, watched spaghetti westerns, and had a baby Jesus
atop her TV. I remember her yelling out to the good guy, "Watch it! Watch that snake in the grass!" And then she would go about change baby Jesus' vestments in accordance with whatever Catholic
holy day it was. Yes, she was Catholic – Sicilian Catholic, not Catholic light, as I
am.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She went to church every morning, dropped her quarter in the
offerings box, lit a candle, and said a prayer -- all before mass. Then she
would genuflect at the pew, slide down the bench to her same spot, get down on
her knees and begin to pray the rosary. She prayed that rosary over and over,
again and again throughout the entire mass. I always wondered if she ever heard
one word of the sermon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She was quite an interesting person. She too was a rebel.
Apparently, I come from a long line of rebellious women. Anyway, she was one of
many and I think the oldest of the girls. Let’s see, there were six for
certain, perhaps seven (I cannot be sure): Guyatano (they called him Guy), Rosa,
Angelo, Mary, Lawrence (they called him Bootsie; I don’t know why), and Tina.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Their mother, “Great Grandma Louise” was still alive when I
was a little girl – and man was she alive. She was the meanest woman I had ever
known in my five years of life. We’d go to visit her and she would yell and
scream about my new shoes and how people are starving and here I am in new
shoes. Wow. I was five so of course, she scared the hell out of me. She’d make
me take my new shoes off – she wouldn’t have them in her house. She spoke
Italian and barely any English, as I recall. However, like most of us, she knew
how to curse you in many a language. My mom would send me out of the house and
into the garden to see the strawberries and such while my dad and she visited
with Great Grandma Louise. I always thought it odd that we would go visit this
cranky old lady without my Grandma Rosa – after all, wasn’t it HER job? Great
Grandma Louise was a hard core Sicilan, a very black or white, “my way or the
highway”...well, no -- more like “my way or you’re dead to me” kind of woman. She
was EXTREMELY Catholic -- I mean nervy enough to call out the Pope when he was
being “stupido!” She’d say, “Che cosa che problema?!” Actually she would yell
it. Now that I’m older I realize it may have been poor hearing that caused her
to yell. However, poor hearing had nothing to do with her being angry all the
time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Her daughter, my grandmother, could not have been more
different. She was the perfect grandma. She clearly chose me as her favorite
grand child and all my cousins knew it. Though I don’t believe they hated me
for it. I think because I was so much younger than they and my mom simply
wasn’t as engaged in the mothering thing, as my grandma was. I was forbidden to
drink Coca-Cola or eat donuts or cookies so what was it grandma let me do every
time I was there? Yep. She’d say, “Now don’t tell your mama” and she’d send my
grandpa out to get freshly made donuts at Sims’ Bakery on Railroad Avenue. When
I’d awaken before school, hot donuts were on the table...along with a cold
Coke. I scarf down this breakfast of champions before I would walk by myself
across this huge field that separated my grandma’s house on Bubba Street from
my elementary school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I remember thinking how lucky I was to get to stay at her
house for days on end. I never thought to ask her where my parents where and
why I was staying at her house. However, as I grew older I began to ask about
my grandma and why she never went to see Great Grandma Louise. As it turns out
-- Great Grandma Louise banished Rosa from the family. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rosa ran away from home at age 16 and got a job with the
railroad. It is beyond belief that she survived at such a young age -- and in
that era. With that, she saved enough money to get through nursing school in
New Orleans and ultimately became a Registered Nurse. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Somewhere along the line she met a professional gambler. Wow
-- how exciting that must have been. He was older than she but they got
along well and had fallen in love. He asked her to marry and she said yes. She
told her mother of her happiness and in Great Grandma Louise-style, she was
exiled from the family. Why? Because he was Jewish. Alvin (Al) Freeman was a
brilliant professional gambler who decided to take my grandmother as his bride.
Yes, they travelled and gambled and swindled and saved. Perhaps history has it
that she used some of that money for nursing school. As I am not exactly
certain of the chronology, I cannot be sure. Nevertheless, they had some fun.
When Rosa got pregnant, they settled down. She practiced nursing and they had
three children, James, Robert, and Joan Lee. (Yes, all the women in my family
went by two names not just one – Joan Lee on my father’s side and Joan Lou on
my mother’s side, and then there is my mother, Janet Sue, of course). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My grandfather was accustomed to being treated poorly
because he was Jewish. The sick-and-twisteds of the world were alive and well
then as much or more than they are now. His own father had changed their name
from Friedman to Freeman so they would not be known as Jews. It was a measure he
took to protect his family. He went to great lengths to do so. Oddly, the poor
fellow was struck by lightening and killed in the doorway of his home – or so
the story goes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, Rosa and Al settled down and raised their three
children. Unfortunately, when James (may father) was only ten, Al died, leaving
Rosa to raise three children on her own – and that she did. She became a hard-nosed,
no holds barred, git ‘er done kinda gal and was going to “make it” at all
costs. She REALLY did walk four miles to work and four miles back each day to
keep food on the table. It sounds cliché but in this case – it is not. It was
easy in a small town, raising three kids who were Jewish (they decided on
Judaism as their faith at the time) as a single Catholic woman. She really did
not know what to do with the children as far as their faith went, as she was
raised by such a strict Catholic, she felt they may suffer for being not enough
of either. With Al dead, who would teach the children? She decided to raise the
children Catholic after all. However, by then, my father had known and loved
the Jewish faith. It spoke to him. He made the switch, however and they were
all raised Catholic in small-town Louisiana. It made things a bit easier for my
Rosa, I am sure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I remember stories of a chilling night when the kids had run
out of firewood and they were home alone as Rosa was at the hospital working.
They were so very cold, they made the decision to chop down every door in the
house, save for the one to the outside and the one to the bathroom. They burned
the doors as firewood and tried to collaborate on what to tell their mother
when she came home. As the story goes, they lived in a shotgun shack on the
wrong side of the tracks. People used to tease them and say, “You’re so poor,
even the blacks won’t talk to you.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For those who knew my father, they know he grew up to help
many, many, people of every race, religion, and age – he even helped those who
made fun of him and called him “monkey” as a child. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over time, Rosa raised some fine children. She did remarry
-- the Fire Marshal -- oddly enough. She continued to practice nursing at the
local hospital, long after her son ended up owning it. She continued to praise her
baby Jesus, in the house my father built her. Together, they all went on to
value God, family and education, in that order. She was quite a tough cookie
and proved to be an amazing woman. A woman I am proud to emulate and blessed to
have known. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She had gone in for exploratory surgery, as they feared she
had a tumor in her stomach. After finding her insides riddled, they removed
most of her stomach. She did not do so well after that. I remember that I was
going on my senior trip during her surgery. Knowing how close she and I had
been, they did not want her to die while I was gone so they kept her on life-support
until I returned. Upon return I went to the hospital. I was immediately
regretful for seeing her so white, weak, lifeless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grandma Rose died the night of my first cousin Lisa’s
wedding. She was a lawyer marrying another big-time lawyer and it was quite the
extravaganza at the Pentagon Barracks along the Mississippi River in Baton
Rouge. Her father was a high-ranking elected state official at the time so
everyone who was anyone was there – except my Grandma Rose. I miss her – and to
this day, when I look to find a strong, smart, driven, never-give-up role model
in my life, I see only her. She still moves me.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-4060636548693725552013-04-17T21:20:00.002-07:002013-04-17T22:25:14.923-07:00My Mother and Her Sister -- Mostly, Her Sister<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">The older population--persons 65 years or older--numbered 39.6 million in 2009 (the latest year for which data is available). They represented 12.9% of the U.S. population, about one in every eight Americans. By 2030, there will be about 72.1 million older persons, more than twice their number in 2000. People 65+ represented 12.4% of the population in the year 2000 but are expected to grow to be 19% of the population by 2030. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">-- Department of Health and Hospitals Administration on Aging</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">We all understand that there are changes in the hormone system. There is decreased sex hormone secretion and, for those married for many years, decreased sex. Perhaps not for the same reason. The atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) that occurs as an aging change in the brain, produces decreased circulation, thus low oxygenation. Such people have temporary loss of memory, some hallucinations, and still their memory for events many years prior becomes lessened. Some of our older national politicians may give speeches that substitute fact with "recollections" from their younger lives -- which we call confabulations. This is true for all of us, but we don't get press coverage. As we age, our mental alertness is not quite as bouncy. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">I am sure you know of a loved one who has experienced or is experiencing such a life event. I do.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">My mother is going to be 77 years old this May </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">(or is it 78, see my memory is shot already)</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">. She has had an interesting life -- much of which I cannot write about yet. However, as I grew more spiritually mature and aware of my own humanness, I learned to accept her for who she is, not how I had hoped she would be. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Let's start with her mother...Dorothy Kleinhans Harper. She was a fascinating woman. She was strong, independent, and brilliant. She was considered quite attractive although not beautiful. She was a woman of great privilege, as she and her Thaddeus owned a chain of hardware stores in Kansas. They were a very formal couple. My mother used to tell me stories of how she and her sister had to eat in the kitchen with the help at 5:00 PM and the adults would dine and entertain other guests in the formal dining room at 7:00 PM. They would dress in their finest for dinner when they had guests. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">The children were to be seen and not heard and once paraded about, they were escorted out -- and put to bed. Dorothy was never known for exuding motherly love. I believe children simply impeded her progress. I am not sure what her goals in life were but she was quite successful -- in her career. She had been a true-blue flapper in the 20s and had worked for Chevron long before it was the lady-like thing to do. (I'm not sure it is even lady-like today to be a woman in a powerful company, much less a powerful woman in any company.) I do know the pictures I have seen paint a life of controlled chaos. Her breasts were bound to make her flat-chested and she had sparkly bands about her head and yes, even the long cigarette holder, opera-length pearls -- and gloves. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">She was always very open, honest, and direct -- with an attitude. She never liked children much, as they encumbered her fast living. She took risks and lived a high life. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">It was the 1920s when she divorced Thaddeus Harper. Divorce was not very popular back then, especially when young children were involved. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">However, divorce they did. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Dorothy and Thaddeus had two girls, one was five-years older than the other. They couldn't have been more different. Joan Lou (Joanie) was a sassy, skinny, precocious beauty with a wit and wisdom far beyond her years. She was absolutely brilliant. So brilliant, she really struggled with her boredom of the regular Joes -- and grown-ups alike. The younger was Janet Sue (just Janet), and she was the sweet, shy, compliant, obedient, good girl whose self-esteem was as low as Joanie's was high. Joanie was confident, cocky, assertive, even aggressive -- and she loved boys. She loved boys mostly because she could experiment with them. They were just so easy, so simple. When she saw one she liked, she had to have him, and have him she did -- until she got bored, that is. I am certain she broke quite a few hearts. She was a "lot to handle," as they say. I believe her brilliant mind was her greatest gift but biggest enemy. Her younger sister, Janet adored her and wanted to be with her always, if only to embarrass Joanie in the company of boys.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Dorothy had moved with the girls to New Orleans after the divorce yet she was still at a loss as to what to do with them; how to care for them and still get her head above water, and herself on her feet -- alone. She decided to put both the girls in Holy Angels Academy, an all-girls Catholic boarding school in New Orleans, Louisiana. The girls were none to pleased by this. Especially Joanie. As a ten year old, she struggled to understand why her mother would do such a thing. She had difficulty relating with "normal" people; how was she to relate with nuns?! This just wasn't going to do. Nope, Joanie would have none of it. Just as Janet was such a good girl and followed every sometimes mundane, often senseless, and always arduous rules to the tee, Joanie rebelled. She was even caught sneaking out of the convent many a night -- some nights with a boy on a motocycle awaiting her. The Marianite nuns were sure they could break Joanie of her wild streak. Joanie was healthy and vibrant, full of vim and vigor. Joanie: 1; nuns: 0. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Janet, however, was a sickly child. I recall her talk of the wine akin to grape juice the nuns would give her to stave of her anemia. She would tell me it was worse than the Mogen David, they serve at communion. But being the obedient little school girl she was, she drank up. She's been drinking since she was five years old -- literally. My mother embraced the way of the nuns and at a very young age she experienced the fruit of an intimate dialogue between the Lord and her heart. She attributed this to her knowing how to pray; because of this, the nuns trusted her her knowing what to do with God's call. Yep, God called and my mom answered. She felt blessed to be in the care of the nuns and she felt, safe, loved, secure, wanted, needed, and special -- a TRUE child of God. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">While Joanie kicked, scratched and screamed on the inside, she was supremely charming, entrancingly beautiful, unbelievably brilliant, and delightfully funny on the outside. She had embraced her dark side; she learned how to manage it, just like she managed boys and later, men. She had what they call a "wild hair" and being restrained, contained, controlled, and told were simply not her cup of tea. When she was younger and could tell her stories of fact, though many might have thought them </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">confabulations</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Needless to say, Joanie sought refuge in the escape of men and married at a very, very young age. She went on to divorce and re-marry again -- and again, many, many times. In the end, she reunited with her very first husband, until his dying day. She then lived alone, whilst her sister (by then a widow herself) and she delighted in reliving their pasts through stories, and pictures, wine "slightly" better than Mogen David, and a deep and resounding respect for their mother, Dorothy. I'll never forget the day I heard my mother proclaim that she wants nothing more than to be just like her mother. It was a beautiful moment. (Although, I guarantee those words will never come from betwixt these lips -- sorry, mom).</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Joanie died just two weeks ago, April 2, 2013. The irony is such that in her life, she detested being in the confined care of others yet in her end of days, she passed away in a small town nursing home, having outlived all the men in her life. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">May God keep her in the palms of his mighty hands, and may she be as happy -- or happier -- in her next life as she was in this one. God bless you, Auntie Joanie. Thank you for being a strong, yet soft fiber in the fabric of my life. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">(For more on the Academy: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">http://www.neworleanschurches.com/holyangacad/history.htm)</span></span></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">For more on my mother, and how she, a nun had me...tune in later. Maybe much, much, later. </span>Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-7437365645170408692013-04-13T10:50:00.002-07:002016-02-19T06:40:07.172-08:00Is the World Your Oyster or Your Turnip?<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Oyster or the Turnip...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Using what they call a locus-of-control scale, psychologists measure whether people believe that the controlling force in their lives is internal (they’re in control) or external (outside forces determine their fate). Men for the most part believe that the locus of control in their lives is internal, that they “make life happen.” Women are far more likely to believe that “life happens to them”—that they don’t have much control.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This is what they call the oyster-versus-turnip view of the world. Men see the world as their oyster (they’re surrounded by opportunities, and they just need to choose which ones they want), while women are more likely to think “you can’t get blood from a turnip” (what they see is what they get and they need to make the best of it).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Although you may know some turnip men and oyster women, the underlying truth of the distinction has been conclusively demonstrated, and not just in the United States but also in countries with cultures as diverse as those in Britain, Belgium, the Netherlands, Sweden, Bulgaria, Czechoslovakia, Hungary, Poland, Romania, the former U.S.S.R., India, China, Mexico, and Brazil. These studies also showed that even senior female managers, women whose jobs involve high levels of responsibility and authority, still—far more than men in the same jobs—believe that their lives are subject to the control of external forces.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">-- Babcock, L and Laschever, S. </span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here I am living in Hawaii. It sounds like a dream -- and on some days, it feels like a dream. Hawaii is by far one of the most beautiful places in the world, and were I older and independently wealthy, I might better enjoy the sugary sandy beach, the sky-high waterfalls, the deeply entrancing sunsets, the tree covered mountains, the lush green foliage, the brightly colored flora, and the hypnotic scent of plumeria.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">However, I am 46 and dire need of intellectual stimulation and career pursuits. Without resentment or disdain, gave up my career choice to move here in support of my husband's military career. It was a bittersweet move and I recall my mixed emotions from the day we discussed the move. This excerpt is from the email I sent to friends: "James and I will have to move with Mike to Hawaii. It is exciting but we are anxious about leaving our home, our friends, our family, and St. Aloysius." No mention of worry about a job or a career.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I believe at the time, I thought gainful employ would be easy for me in Hawaii. After all, I am assertive, confident, smart, driven, passionate, did I say smart? A real go-getter. Turns out these are the very traits frowned upon, especially if you're a women. Although I have been in graduate school during the three-year hiatus, I am now gearing up for a full-out search for new opportunities for a middle-aged woman -- living in the most remote place on the planet. My prospects look dim. I don't just want a job. I want to spend the 1/3 of my life at work doing that which I enjoy and am expert at doing -- business development/sales and sales training. What makes this even trickier is I want to do it within the technology sector -- not much of that here in Hawaii. I have a strong skill set and a rich and full background of meaningful accomplishments. It looks more and more like I am seeking the holy grail when I search for appropriate positions that allow for my working remotely from Hawaii and traveling to see clients on the mainland -- or even overseas to Australia or Asia. Yes, I am willing to do that! My greatest hope is to work for a large enough company that they might allow me to live in Hawaii and commute to the west coast. I might even consider a move to California and commuting home to Hawaii to see my husband and son on weekends -- if my pay grade would allow. Unbelievable, eh?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Would a man have to weigh these same considerations? If so, would he struggle with the "ask," as I do? Additionally, there is the age factor. Yes, it is a serious issue and more and more companies at looking at younger and younger candidates to train, mold and shape and create the perfect fit for a post I would already fill to a tee. Why? Money. Why else? Shelf life. I recall being that "young girl" who was smart enough to succeed among the big boys and cute enough to beat out the older women for the job -- all for less money. I did not have the wisdom of age or richness of experience, the moxie or the chutzpah to make the ask. I took what I was given and I was delighted to have been considered.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Nowadays I find myself reading articles written to aid the older generation in finding employ. Humph. Not much great advice out there. Yes, the predictable, lose weight, dye your hair, dress for success, and other such trite advice are commonplace. One article stated that I should mention the marathon I'd been training for! What?! Ridiculous. And lastly, there is the gender factor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook writes: Professional ambition is expected of men but is optional -- or worse, a negative -- for women. "She is <i>very</i> ambitious" is not a compliment in our culture. Aggressive and hard-charging women violate unwritten rules about acceptable social conduct. Men are continually applauded for being ambitious, powerful, and successful but women who display these same traits pay a hefty social penalty. Look at all the FB friends I lost during the THINK campaign -- sadly, most were women. Many were uncomfortable with my expose of the tougher truths -- it's just not "lady-like." Female accomplishments come at a hefty price. Did you know that for women, taking credit comes at a real social and professional cost? A woman who explains why she is qualified or mentions her successes in a job interview is less likely to get hired than a man who does the same.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Women can negotiate as well or better than men when negotiating on behalf of others because their advocacy does not appear self-serving. However, when a women negotiates on her own behalf, she violates the perceived gender norm. Women more than not, leave too much power in the hands of others. To determine whether you’re leaving too much power in the hands of others, ask yourself the following questions:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Do you usually wait to see what kind of raise you get or do you try to negotiate in advance for the raise you think you deserve?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Do you wait to be promoted or to be assigned more responsibilities or do you ask for those things when you think you’re ready?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Do you think you’re qualified to move up to the next level at work but assume your boss doesn’t agree because he or she hasn’t promoted you yet?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Have you accepted being given the same sort of work to do over and over again even though you’d like to learn new skills and try different types of assignments?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Do you think that if you work hard and produce outstanding results your superiors will recognize your contributions and reward you with the salary you deserve?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Do you typically ask for changes at work that would make your life more convenient or do you tolerate small inconveniences even when you can see a simple fix?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Have you identified the next step you want to take in your career? Does your supervisor know what you want to do?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">• Do most of your colleagues perceive you as someone who’s interested in moving ahead and rising in your organization or are most of your coworkers unaware of your ambitions?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If your answers suggest that you’ve ceded too much control to others, start negotiating to do for the projects you want, don’t wait to see whether they're assigned to you. Tell your boss, “I want to take this training course,” or “I’d like exposure to another side of the business,” or “It's time for me to get some field (or sales, or line) experience.” Don’t expect people to keep you on their radar screens or to let you know whenever a new opportunity arises. Above all, don’t assume that just because your boss likes you he/she’s thinking about your professional development and the next step you need to take. He/she may be simply content you’re doing the job -- period.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I contemplate my current career dilemma, I can't help but remember the many road blocks that stand between me and the right career fit. Where a man might consider these, he would not be held back by them. I must not let these concerns stand in my way of a fruitful yet focused search. I know what I want. I know what I can do. I know that what I may have never done does not make doing it an impossibility. I may not meet 100% of the job requirements but that does not mean I cannot do the job -- and well. Men will apply for a position if they feel they meet at least 60% of the job requirements. Women, only if they feel they meet 100% of the job requirements.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Personally, I am shifting my thinking from "I may not be able to do that, as I haven't done that before" to "I want to do that, I am smart and capable and can learn to do that -- by doing that"!</span><br />
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<br />Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2498289655894202763.post-25691869558670433242013-04-12T11:44:00.003-07:002013-06-18T14:57:21.712-07:00My Father<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">A story of my father...</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">My father was an absolute genius. As the terrifically accomplished litigator, Charles McCowan used to say, "I never understood a word he said but he made me a rich man." Many, many, many people who walk the earth today have benefitted from my father's able mind and kind heart. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">He was born a very poor Jewish boy whose father died when he was only ten. At ten, my father got his first job as a grocery store stock boy, as he</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">had become "the man of the house." With that he bagged groceries and stocked shelves. When he worked in the storage room, the owner made him whistle so he'd know my dad was not eating any of the goods. It was an exercise in humility and growth. My dad became the best whistler I have ever heard. He could "whistle an opera," I used to say. It was amazing!<br /><br />As he got older, he had to help his single mother support their family of four. He was a truly gifted genius. I say gifted genius because he could draw portraits with charcoal like a commissioned artist all the while able to regurgitate facts effortlessly and accurately on the biology of the human. He could play the clarinet like a pro, he was a <span style="line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">sommelier, he was a certified gemologist, a pilot who flew his own planes, </span><span style="line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">a professional photographer, and a pathologist. He accomplished a great deal in his life all because he believed, "You should live like will die tomorrow and learn like you will live forever" (Gandhi). He always told me an education is something "they" can never take away from you -- get one.</span><br /><br />As teens, he and his younger brother joined the boxing team at their high school. My uncle loved boxing and became a golden glove champion whose photo now resides in the Louisiana State University Hall of Fame. My dad on the other hand, loved steak dinner. Because they were so poor, he and my uncle would box with the intent to win. The prize? A trophy and a steak dinner. The steak was motivator enough to win. Poor kids never ate steak. My dad said he was fed grits all his childhood and I recall as I was growing up, he refused to eat any oatmeal, grits, malt-o-meal or anything of the gruel sort. Sadly, a diet of steak, potatoes and Jack Daniels on the rocks ultimately killed him.<br /><br />While still a young man, his genius was noted by a great man named Dr. Frank Low. Dr. Low hired my father as an apprentice of sorts and that was when my father's life turned around. His love for pathology and the lab was ignited. He became so passionate about his discoveries that he and Dr. Low discovered a new method of surgical treatment for Bell's Palsy -- still used today. Together, they authored several books. My father was asked to teach at Louisiana State University Medical and Tulane Medical School while he was still a medical student. Many of my friends' fathers were taught by mine. He penned the Louisiana State University Medical School governing laws. He authored teaching texts, as well. In fact, when I was seeing a young fighter pilot who attended the Air Force Academy I met his roommate's brother. This guy was in medical school and studying from a book my father co-wrote. As my father grew older his passion for the lab grew -- with him. He truly loved lab work and solving the mystery of cause of death. He was a true forensic scientist whose years as a medical examiner proved quite exciting in an area of this country that is riddled with mysterious causes of death. He was a coroner for 30 years. He was the head of many labs in Louisiana, including the Leprosy hospital that was once in Carville, Louisiana -- now closed. The only other Leprosy hospital was on Molokai, here in Hawaii as so many of my Hawaii friends know.<br /><br />My dad's genius brought him a fortune in life experience and wealth -- which he shared most generously with so very many. He built his mother's first home, ***he put his brother through law school (a man who went on to become a fine lawyer, a state representative, the speaker of the house, Lt. Governor, and later a judge). He hired his sister -- without whom he could not have successfully run his medical practices. Yes, he practiced medicine –- not because he preferred people to the lab because he did not. He practiced medicine because people loved him and needed him and he was born to live in service to others – so that, he did. His favorite Saint was Saint Francis of Assisi and he lived by the words that Saint Francis penned and prayed.<br /><br />He worked tirelessly and he gave back -- and he paid it forward before paying it forward was popular. He donated a great deal of money and time to Louisiana State University medical school, created a scholarship in his mother's name at Louisiana State University School of Nursing (she was an R.N. -- and her story is quite fascinating). He was a rich man in the ways that "rich" has real meaning -- by that I mean he was compassionate, kind, brilliant, and charming. He looked quite "rabbinical” and wise. He was handsome but not considered a looker, like his brother may have been. He had huge ears but because they were so poor his mother could not afford to have them "pinned" as so many said she should. I remember meeting the father of a friend from Episcopal High School and he was a plastic surgeon who knew -- and respected -- my dad. However, rather than honor his genius, he said, “Your dad should have let me fix those ears of his.” I said, “My father is far too secure to worry with such things.” Despite being teased and bullied, called "monkey" and other such terms, he had a strong spirit (god-within), amazing drive, and limitless vision. He was a true genius. He was compassion personified. He was kindness in the flesh. Sometimes, however he was prideful -- would never let others help him in his times of need, and there were a few.<br /><br />Late in his life, he faced many challenges that were outside his control and he had to learn to let go, as so many of us must. It was probably very difficult for him, as he had been so triumphant against the odds all his life. He was happy for the greater part of his life, but he died an unhappy man, greatly disappointed man. (A story for another day). </span></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">He died at the young age of 62 but his legacy lives on through other people, places, and things. I live my life looking to him for guidance in making my bigger decisions, and he is there for me to give it. I would say I miss him but I truly feel him with me and see him in my 11-year-old son, James (his namesake). I do wish I could hold his hands -- they were strong and soft but not unscathed. Poor boys who grow to be rich men have battered hands that although healed, those hands tell their stories. My father's hands...I will never forget them. </span></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">I miss my father. More than that however, I count my blessings for his having been mine.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">***according to the oral tradition that was shared with me. My uncle Bobby states that "nothing could be further from the truth." He states that his wife Marianne and he worked to put him through school.</span></span><br />
<br />Susfreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16170318216574818391noreply@blogger.com0