A Letter to the President

Dear Mr. Obama,

Just a quick reminder, YOU are the POTUS who was going to bring our troops home. As sad as the situation is at our neighbor's house, we must protect our own family here at home. I am tired of losing mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, time, money and hope. I am becoming disillusioned.

Civility in America continues to disintegrate and rude discourse and behavior are becoming the “new normal.” Reports of personal infringements are on the rise, and while Americans continue to blame politicians as the leading source of our nation’s civility problems. 

I have defended your inability to move the ball down the field because of the clear and unacceptable partisanship and gridlock caused by the owned and operated political whores in US Congress.

I have acknowledged that not everyone can have the networking charisma that many if not most great leaders (FDR, JFK, Reagan, Clinton) have. It is simply a personality trait not all of us possess.

I have understood this country's need for universal healthcare and had my own personal reasons to support this movement. I believe that people with pre-existing conditions should be afforded healthcare coverage -- I have a mother who has survived breast cancer twice; I have two stepdaughters who are still on our insurance plans; I could go on but that would be a bit too personal. You’ll just have to trust me.

I have understood that the voter ID laws put the poor and elderly in a predicament they have not seen in years and this change is rightly off putting to them. I do know it is less about correcting a problem of voter fraud, as that really does not exist; the outcry is more about creating a problem where there was not one. People do not take well to such things. I understand their cry.

I vehemently host a disdain for Citizens United, which has unleashed a Cancer upon this nation like none other -- LIKE NONE OTHER.

I have been supportive of your very correct thinking and acting on the issue of equal human rights for all human beings. I believe in freedom and I think that if not everyone is free, then no one is free in this great nation.

I stand by you in your support of women's rights in the arenas of choice and equal pay. Although I do not believe abortion should be used as a convenient form of birth control, I do believe it should be an available option. A woman’s mind, body, and soul should not be an issue of any political party platform. All too often, we find that church dictates make their way into our legislation because of the power and wealth of that lobby. In light of the concern regarding women’s rights – so long and hard fought for– may we be aware in our every word and every action, the importance of compassion, responsibility, and interfaith harmony. There was a very good reason our founding fathers ensured we host a wall of separation between church and state.

I give you credit and kudos where both are due in that you rid the world of Osama Bin Laden. In 2008, you stated, "We will kill bin Laden; we will crush Al Qaida. That has to be our biggest national security priority" and you did. For that, history, and I, will be forever grateful. 

HOWEVER, on the issue of WAR – let me be quite clear...

I DO NOT SUPPORT ANY MEASURE THAT WOULD SEND ONE SINGLE US SAILOR OR SOLDIER INTO THE MOST HORRIFIC WAR-TORN AREA OF THIS WORLD.

After the longest wars in our history in Iraq and Afghanistan, Americans – yes, Republicans, Independents, and Democrats – all AMERICANS -- are sick over the 6,500+ dead and 40,000+ wounded, fed up with the $2 trillion+ in costs, and disillusioned with the results that a decade of sacrifice has produced.

Might I remind you a Harris Poll of the public in 2012 showed a majority of Americans think the forty-third president was the worst in post–World War II America. George W. Bush's response to 9/11, and in particular the two wars that the terrorist attacks spawned, were the centerpiece of the George W. Bush years. As his second term went by, and the enormity and gravity of his administration’s miscalculations and missteps became clear, the once popular president paid a price—just as his father had, for different reasons. Set against the miscalculations that had made the Iraq War a costly fiasco were the other post-9/11 Bush policies that had become increasingly controversial and unpopular. 

Bush and his administration turned national security concerns into an obsession. Bush’s approval ratings went to a record low. They were only worsened by the failed response to Hurricane Katrina in 2005 and the financial crisis that began as a recession in 2007 and quickly grew into the worst economic catastrophe since the Great Depression. By most measures— lack of job creation, rising unemployment, the exploding deficit, and the first deep cracks in the great housing downturn— eight years of Bush’s management of the economy were disastrous. As Bush was preparing to leave office and the contest between McCain and you took place, the American economy was approaching meltdown territory. Wall Street scandals, failing brokerages, international banking crises, and the bankruptcies of the major American automakers had the American economy on the brink of the worst scenario since the 1920s. McCain and you were put in the unusual position of sitting in as decisions about the economy were made, since one of you would inherit the economic catastrophe unraveling under Bush. 

DO NOT SEND ANOTHER US SAILOR OR SOLDIER INTO A CERTAIN DEATH FOR AN UNCERTAIN GAIN.

History, and I, gave George W. Bush a grade of an "F." 

Mr. Obama, with all due respect, if you send us into war in Syria, I will give you too a grade of an "F."

I have no more of me to give -- I am spent. If you declare war, you will no longer be worthy of my words or deeds. However, I will continue to give you my prayerful support as I would with any US President. I will continue to pray for peace in this great nation. God knows we need it. 

Respectfully,

Susan Freeman

On the Eve of My 47th Birthday

From August 6, 2013, the eve of my 47th birthday...

Mike has taken the boys to see "Pacific Rim." I stayed home. I watched "Mud" on Vudu, sipped on some Malbec, and nibbled on leftovers.

The movie is now over and the screen has gone blank. It is pitch black in the room -- except for the glow of my MacBook screen. If I look to my left I can see the city lights and the ships' lights reflecting on the ocean. It is very quiet. We have a fan in the den and I can feel its cool breeze hit my face as it oscillates. It is very calming.

I don't know what I'll do next but the beauty in that is I need not do anything.

Night has fallen and my home is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. My boys are bonding and I am feeling blessed. Sometimes, in fact all too often, I sit and think -- and think, and think, and think.

Tonight, I will just sit.

A Day at the Spa in Norway

Okay so today I was in the spa having just gotten my assigned locker key, slippers and robe as I was told to go down the candle-lit hallway and turn right to enter the women’s dressing area to disrobe. I walked slowly down the hall enjoying the aromatic scents of candles and oils in the spa. I turned right as instructed and saw a wall of frosted glass. I did not see a door. I did not see a door bell. I did not see a door handle. I did not see a door knob. I simply saw a wall of frosted glass.

Since my Norwegian is rusty <<wink>> I thought I should just keep looking rather than go back to the front desk and ask. I looked and looked and saw no way in. I slowly stepped closer to the frosted glass wall to see a sheet of frosted glass glide open before me. Viola! I had a tiny little celebration in my head as I strode proudly into the dressing room.

I got undressed and put the assigned robe on and then put all my belongings into the assigned locker. I locked the locker with my assigned key and proceeded out of the magic wall of frosted glass. I sat briefly in the hallway of candles and oils awaiting Sylvia, my assigned esthetician. Sylvia approached me with a saunter and a most beautiful smile and then she proceeded to whisper my name softly in the hallway. I have never heard my name expressed in such an emotive manner before. I nodded yes and followed Sylvia into the special room where she would be giving me my facial. She went through all the rigors an esthetician goes through to prepare herself and then my face, for what was to come. Turns out what was to come was one of the most relaxing facials I have ever gotten. I felt almost drunk as she massaged my neck and shoulders, my head and ears. As the mask worked its magic on my skin, Sylvia worked hers on my muscles.

I actually became so relaxed that she said, “I do not have another client after you so feel free to enjoy your time in this room – and she exited.” Well, well, well, little did Sylvia know that I and my sleep-deprived body and mind would take her offer to heart. I fell asleep.

I was awakened by a knock on the door. It was Sylvia asking me if I was ready to leave. Ooops.

I slowly got up from the table and put the robe back on. I walked down the long candle-lit hallway to the magic wall of frosted glass. The wall opened before me and I proceeded to the showers – which by the way, have no curtains.

As I am taking my long, hot shower, a woman enters my shower and through the steam I see it is Sylvia. She is crying out, “Madam, you have left your towel and your glasses in my room.”

Well, good thing I am a confident healthy girl because that might have made for an uncomfortable moment for some. As the hot water pours over me, I ask Sylvia to simply put my towel and glasses on the seat in the dressing area and I will get them after I am done with my shower.

So at this stage I am feeling quite relaxed and most at peace. Everything is right with the world. This facial and my nap, not to mention the long rest with the lavender mask have changed the course of my life. I kid you not...at that point, I was feeling totally one with the world.

I slowly dry off and dress in a state of dissociation from reality as I saunter down the candle-lit hallway smelling the most powerful aromatic candles and oils.

As I reach the end of the hallway I see a frosted glass wall and I stride briskly, confidently, and intently toward it to exit. BAM! I am talking a POW!, ZOWIE!, BLAMO! kind of BAM!

I ran smack-dab, face-first into a not-so-magic wall of frosted glass only to learn that the CLEAR glass wall at THIS end of the hallway is the exit.

My pug nose gets the hit worst of all, even though the pain is amply shared by my forehead and chin. Yes, SPLAT into the frosted glass my newly minted face went. Needless to say, I was awake for the first time in days. Nothing like a little embarrassing comic relief accompanied by serious to severe pain to wake a girl who hasn’t slept for days (and to keep her ego in check I might add).

Happy Anniversary -- This Time It's the Real Deal

“Most people think of love as a feeling but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” 

-- David Richo

THANK YOU, CHARLES MICHAEL FUTRELL
 FOR SOME OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE!

Happy Anniversary to my soul mate, husband, lover, partner, challenger, cohort, sometimes adversary, and always, always -- best friend.

At our wedding, June 5, 2009 Maris LeBlanc read the following from Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran and we have lived by these words since that day:

On Marriage

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. 

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

In this, my absolute final marriage, I have taken a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person.

Together Mike and I explore the hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our marriage:

•  Attention - to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
•  Acceptance - of ourselves and others just as we are.
• Appreciation - of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
• Affection - shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
• Allowing - life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.

When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts form the basis of our mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these hallmarks, our marriage becomes deeper and more meaningful every day.

This marriage has been transformational for both Mike and me. We truly love and respect one another with our flaws and faults, accepting that we cannot change one another. At the same time, we allow each to change ourselves as needed. By no means has this been a perfect, unflawed, mistake-free marriage. We have both grown spiritually in our marriage, intellectually in our friendship, emotionally in our partnership, and yes, physically in our celebrating life together. We know that in this life, there is nothing we cannot handle – especially together, moment by moment. The "good" affords us positive memories for ourselves, and our family; the "bad" affords us lessons that ensure personal growth. I believe every action is a call to a higher power – for Mike and for me, the higher power is God.

Daily, we strive for godliness. We do not always succeed but we know that what matters is the journey and we try and try and try. So far, so good.

However, life has certain givens, certain unavoidable facts; five stand out for all of us (Richo):

    1.     Everything changes and ends,

    2.     Things do not always go according to our plans,

    3.     Life is not always fair,

    4.     Suffering is part of everyone’s life, and

    5.     People are not always loving, honest, generous, loyal—nor can they be expected to be. 

An unconditional yes to these facts of life is a surrender to what is. This is not resignation or giving up. It is aligning ourselves to reality with calm ruthlessness. We then find the wisdom to see the difference between what can and what cannot be changed. We do all we can to change the things that can be changed and, with equal alacrity, to accept whatever cannot be changed. We are serene in unalterable circumstances because we are no longer beleaguered by the stress of being at odds with them.

The opposite of saying yes is seeking control. We try to control other people, our own feelings, and life events. In facing life as it is, the style of yes is to let the chips fall where they may and then play them to the best benefit of ourselves, and others.

This I believe, and as Mike and I commit daily to being open, honest, and direct in this marriage, we practice our unconditional yes, without protest or complaint, we notice that we no longer ask, “Why?” or “Why me?” Now we simply say, “Yes, now what?”

Mike is a stronger, more secure, more compassionate man than the man I married and I am a more patient, empathetic, and allowing woman than the one he married. From me, he has learned that he must love God, himself, and others -- in that order. From him, I have learned that letting go is one of life's most powerful lessons resulting in the most meaningful outcomes.

May we have as many moments together in time as God wishes to afford. In the meantime, may there be spaces in our togetherness, allowing the winds of heaven dance between us.  

I love you – you are worthy of my love; 

I hope I am always worthy of yours.

Happy Anniversary, Michael!

Release Regret, Embrace Forgiveness

As I struggle with regret or self-reproach because of the mistakes I have made in life, I am no longer ashamed of my fallibility. My mind may shoot arrows of regret at me from time to time, but I am using them to open my heart, not to wound it.

-- Richo, D.

We have all made mistakes or committed indiscretions, be it in the realm of finances, careers, relationships, health, or other areas of our lives. Sometimes, memories of one or more of these mistakes may arise out of nowhere as stabbing pains of regret. Our sense of ourselves can be reduced from inflated to real and we regain humility. In these moments, we must practice loving-kindness toward ourselves, and others. If our regret is about how we have harmed others, our practice is to make amends. If our regret is about how someone has hurt us we might say, “May I forgive now no matter how I was hurt in the past." This can be quite liberating, and it the only path to true happiness.

Regret must not force us into a useless sense of shame, making us lose sight of our positive qualities. When regrets no longer victimize us but become triggers to the healing powers we all host within, we are encouraged. We begin to see all that has happened in our lives with detachment from suffering and commitment to compassion. 

As the Buddhists say, "Pain is not a choice but suffering is." 

Letting go of regret can be difficult if we choose to make it so. A greater challenge is often forgiveness of self and others. At times they go hand-in-hand. For me, forgiveness was my only clear path to healing from that, which was done to me. When I elected to step out of the role of the victim and into the role of the empowered, strong, independent, and self-reliant, I found freedom and true happiness. 

Isn’t to love and be loved what every human deserves from day one?

In the long run I have no regret, as everything that has happened has been an opportunity for spiritual growth. As one friend put it, every action -- good or bad -- is a reaching out to a higher power, a higher consciousness -- something greater than we ourselves are. I call "it" God but you may call it something other than. Regardless, it resides within us all and we should tap into it, become aware of it, and realize we share it with everyone else who inhabits the Earth. Simply because one does not recognize or acknowledge it, does not mean it doesn't exist. At the core, one is no better or worse than the other -- perhaps different on the surface but that's it.

To live with regret for your actions or the actions of others is futile. To strive for forgiveness of oneself and others is perhaps the better focus of our attentions. Peace of mind, strength of body, wholeness of heart, and harmony of all three is attainable through forgiveness.

Release regret, embrace forgiveness.